


L.U.S.T.

by The Raven and the Fox (RavenAndFox)



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-05-19
Updated: 2012-09-16
Packaged: 2017-11-07 09:50:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 40,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/429668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenAndFox/pseuds/The%20Raven%20and%20the%20Fox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Okay, so I met this amazing guy one day at the ATM. He's witty, charismatic, sexy, and to top it all off he wants me. Only problem? I'm already sleeping with the Sex God of Konoha Campus. What's a guy to do? SasuNaru university AU. Involves Naruto x OC.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chemistry

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, the title is an acronym. No, you don't get to know what it stands for yet.
> 
> Before anyone asks, no, this is NOT a sequel to Two Face (which I still have yet to post here). It might be considered something of an AU to the AU that is Two Face, if only because I plan to bring back my OCs from there.
> 
> I ought to mention, before this chapter begins, what the Kinsey scale is. It measures sexuality on a scale of 0-6, 0 being completely heterosexual and 6 being completely homosexual, and the middle being bisexual. Asexuals come up as an X on the scale. It measures both sexual activity as well as preference. It’s simplistic, but a little more detailed than just saying homosexual or heterosexual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> L.U.S.T. is an acronym. No, you don't get to know what it stands for yet.  
> Before anyone asks, no, this is NOT a sequel to Two Face. It might be considered something of an AU to the AU that is Two Face, if only because I plan to bring back my OCs from there. But I'll also be spending more time on canon characters I didn't really look into in TF, and I think generally there's going to be a much different tone. This is primarily due to me having new life experiences since TF. I find that even in the past few months I've become a very different person in what I believe in and stand up for. I think that, essentially, my areas of interest in terms of writing have matured. TF gave me the chance to explore a truly wonderful, communicative, romantic and somewhat idealistic relationship. I'm not saying that won't exist here, but it will probably have a more cynical, grounded life outlook. That said, there are similarities, intentional and otherwise.  
> I should probably upload Two Face here. Ugh... 111 chapters...

“Yeah. Well I wanna do some of the assigned reading tonight, so we’ll see. I know you do. I dunno, I’m going now to check. Yes, _right now_ , the machine’s just around the corner! You’re not my mother, I don’t need you to remind me. I’ll talk to you later, alright? Yeah, and you’re an asshole; it evens out. That’s not what I meant. Yes, I do. _Goodbye_ , Katsumi.”

I hang up before he can say anymore and put my cellphone away, heaving a sigh of equal parts exasperation and relief. Reaching the ATM, I pat down the numerous pockets of my cargo pants until I remember where I’ve put my wallet, then find my bank card to slot into the machine. While I wait I tap out a little pattern with my fingers, a song I’m supposed to learn by next week. The rhythms are seriously complicated, though; even the slightest distraction trips me up. I miss a beat, sigh, and key in my PIN.

A couple of menu selections later and I’m staring at a solid twenty-one cents in my bank account. “Fuck my life,” I grumble, and retrieve my card. Fucking student loans company, why can’t they understand that without money, I’ll _die of starvation_?

I shove my wallet back into my pocket and I step aside to let the guy behind me use the ATM. As I pull my hand back out, something from my pocket catches on my finger and goes flying. I stare in the direction it went, waiting for the clatter of metal on floor to locate it, but it never comes. I frown.

“Looking for this?”

I look up. The man at the ATM is tall, dark-haired and pale-skinned, with clear grey eyes like sun showers. He’s holding up a little circular badge with a rainbow target pattern on it.

“Yeah, thanks,” I reply. I reach out, but the guy pulls away before I can take the pin.

“So this is yours?” he asks, examining the design of the badge, the safety pin on the back. “You gay?”

“No. It’s for a friend,” I say. What? It’s technically true.

He puts his card in the machine and asks, “What’s your name?”

“Will you give it back if I tell you?”

“Maybe. Name?”

“…Naruto. So can I—”

“Age?”

“Twenty-one.”

“Sex?”

“Yes please.”

He smirks but amends, “Gender?”

“Male.”

“BA?”

“Acting.”

“Year?”

“Two.”

“Kinsey?”

“Three. I mean—” I stop, realizing what I’ve just said, but too late. His smirk is triumphant now.

“So you weren’t lying. Bisexual – fair enough.”

“I’m pan, actually,” I reply, “but if you’re going to ask about my sexuality on a binary scale—”

“Okay, I get it. We can’t all be wonderful three-dimensional personalities like you.” He holds out the badge. “I’m Sasuke.”

I look from the badge up to his face, and for the first time our eyes meet. Oh, no, don’t get me wrong – I’m not about to go into some love-at-first-sight crap. I don’t believe in soulmates. Hell, I hardly believe in love. Looking into his eyes, I don’t feel any sort of spark or connection or magical understanding. But I can read eyes; I’ve been training at this kind of thing for years and I know what desire looks like.

“Do I get to hear your answers to the rest of the questions?” I ask, taking the badge back.

Sasuke turns away to take his money from the machine and puts it away in his wallet. “Twenty-one, if you’re offering, male, visual communication, year two, six.”

I think about this for a bit, considering which to comment on first. “What happens when you combine ‘yes please’ with ‘if you’re offering’?”

Sasuke raises an eyebrow, though that smirk is still plastered to his face. “Well, at this point both of us have expressed interest in _receiving_ but not _offering_ as of yet.”

“Well, hey, it takes two to tango,” I say with a shrug. “Can’t have one person giving everything and not getting anything in return. Though if we’re talking positions I’m not usually one to take—”

There’s a loud cough behind me. I turn to see an older woman – possibly one of the professors; I’ve seen her around before – standing there.

“If you’re not using the machine, gentlemen,” she says pointedly, “might I request that you take your conversation elsewhere?”

“O-oh. Sorry,” I say, and step out of the way. The woman goes to the machine and says no more, giving me the opportunity to consider whether or not I feel like a little kid who’s just been chastised for not using his indoor voice.

A hand rests on my shoulder, and I turn and end up face to face with Sasuke. His fingers brush down my arm as he pulls his hand back. “So,” he says, “guess we’d better move on.”

“Uh – yeah.” I nod and we set off, out of the building and onto the campus grounds. It’s a pretty nice day for January – then again, we haven’t even gotten any snow yet, so that’s not saying much. Though we walk side by side, the silence between us is palpably awkward. I don’t know this guy, this Sasuke. Walking next to him like this doesn’t feel right, even for someone like me who can strike up a conversation with anyone. I stuff my hands in my pockets, glancing sideways at my new walking companion. I didn’t really get to analyze him earlier because I was distracted by my financial situation. I do this thing, see, where I size a person up when I meet them. It’s not on purpose, I swear, but after a few years of acting I pick up on looks and characterizations pretty quickly. Sasuke’s angular face is framed by short bangs, his hair flicking back and outward like the tail of a duck. He’s tall – maybe taller than me, maybe a bit shorter; hard to tell. Lean. His shoulders are slender and his limbs are long. He’s kind of androgynous, almost feminine, though you would never mistake him for anything but male. And there’s something graceful about him that nevertheless holds confidence and power. It’s a weird duality that I frankly find intriguing.

“Where are you headed now, then?” I ask. I don’t have anywhere to be, but Sasuke seems to have a destination in mind despite his leisurely pace.

“Coffee,” Sasuke replies curtly. Then he seems to remember he has an audience and looks at me somewhat apologetically. “Sorry. I need my caffeine or I’ll fall asleep mid-lecture. I don’t suppose you’d care to join me?”

“Only if caffeine makes you less of a bastard,” I joke. I follow Sasuke into the little café by the gallery and take a seat at one of the high tables by the counter as Sasuke gets in line. It’s pretty warm here, so I take off my jacket; Sasuke seems to like this idea and follows suit, leaving him in a form-fitting, sleeveless blue shirt that catches my attention at once. Fashion’s never been my strong suit, but it’s easy to see Sasuke likes to dress well (and to disregard weather in favour of this). My eye travels up to his face, along to his ear and down his slender jaw, the line of his nape, the curve of his shoulder and spine, the dip of his lower back, the slight angle of his hip and the way his weight rests more on one leg than the other, relaxed but not off-guard. I’m tracing the subtle hints of muscle at his arm; the tendons on the back of his hand; the long, spidery fingers idling against his thigh, clad in sleek, faded black skinny jeans.

Well fuck. In my humble opinion very few people can pull off the look of skinny jeans, and I’m an instant goner for almost anyone who can. Guess who’s rocking the skinny jeans?

“Naruto?”

“Yeah?” I say automatically, then realize I’m talking to his ass. Instantly my eyes snap back up to his face, but it’s way too late. He’s watching me patiently, his face passive, but there’s a smirk in his eyes.

“I was saying, do you want anything?”

“Huh? Nah.” I’m distracted, scrambling to appear casual. I cough to give myself time to recover, then say, “So, Mr. Kinsey Six, what’s it like not being attracted to the larger half of the population in the slightest?”

Oh, yeah. Very smooth. Go from visually feeling him up to asking about attraction. A little weak as flirting goes; completely unhelpful here.

But he doesn’t seem to mind. “It’s liberating,” he says easily. I’m surprised by this answer.

“Not restricting? You’re not bothered that you can’t take advantage of another three billion chances to find someone really special, or just really hot? VisComm has mandatory life drawing, right? How do you handle it when you can’t appreciate the natural beauty of every body?”

I’ve been told more than once that I don’t get the concept of TMI, but the drink machines behind the counter are pretty loud and there are enough people for our voices to get a little lost in the chatter, so I’m not too worried. Anyway, Sasuke doesn’t seem to mind either, choosing not to comment on the fact that I’m talking about sex and attraction in a public coffee shop. I decide I like that about him.

“It’s not that I can’t appreciate the female figure in art,” says Sasuke. “I’m just not attracted to it. Life drawing isn’t about sexual attraction. Anyway, heterosexual people take life drawing too.”

“Yeah, and I don’t understand them either. How could you not be attracted to people of the same sex?”

Sasuke raises his eyebrows. “Don’t ask me, I’m ‘Mr. Kinsey Six.’ Are you sure you’re not getting anything?” he asks as he nears the counter.

I shake my head. “My student loan’s late. I can’t afford a gumball from a machine, let alone a café mocha.”

“A mocha and a coffee, then,” Sasuke tells the barista.

“Huh? You don’t have to—”

“I don’t _have to_ anything,” Sasuke interrupts me calmly. He just smiles and pays for both the drinks, and I find myself lacking words after that. For someone who grilled me for personal information before he’d give me back my own belongings, he’s suspiciously nice. I tell him so once he brings the drinks and takes the seat across from me.

“What about that saying about not judging books by their covers?” he says, amused.

“Why would you go out of your way to buy me a drink?” I ask. “If you were offering, I would’ve preferred an alcoholic one. Or lunch. Though I’m not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, and beggars can’t be choosers.” I slurp some of the whipped cream off the top of my drink. “I guess I owe you my thanks.”

“You seem to be putting a lot of thought into this. Or at least a lot of sayings.” Sasuke unflinchingly takes a deep swig of his scalding hot black coffee. “I might just be paying you back for the inconvenience of making you answer all those questions, or, yes, I might be bribing you into something.”

“So, what is it you want from me? Need an actor for a project of yours? Bribing your way into a bit of networking? Or perhaps you’re looking for more… _personal_ services?” I ask, waggling my eyebrows for emphasis.

Sasuke snorts at this. “Stop that. I can’t tell whether or not you’re joking.”

“It’s whatever you want it to be.” He can’t mean that, can he? Not after he caught me giving him the once-over?

“Anything I want, just for a mocha. Is it even worth it if you’re that cheap?”

“I’m priceless, babe. But for you, a discount.”

Sasuke laughs. I’m surprised – I’d expected something cynical, a sneer or a scoff, but Sasuke’s laugh is genuine and it sounds so… melodious. Photogenic, if it weren’t auditory instead of visual. The kind of laugh you’d record to put on advertisements. Is this guy for real?

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were desperate,” Sasuke says, humour still evident in his voice. Then he continues, “Wait. I don’t know better. When’s the last time you got any?”

I hesitate a moment before replying, in case the truth puts him off – off what? I don’t know what I thought he might get upset by, so I answer, “This morning.”

“It was that bad?” He doesn’t look too disappointed or anything. That’s good. I think.

“Pfft, no. This guy’s the best lay anyone’s ever had. Heard of the legendary Blue God of Konoha campus?”

I can tell before I’m done speaking that Sasuke knows what I’m talking about. “Oh, him.”

“Fucked him before?” I wouldn’t be surprised. It would also mean an indirect fuck by way of Blue, but that’s kind of beside the point, maybe.

Sasuke laughs. “I don’t do easy lays. But no, I’ve only heard of him by way of rumour.”

“Right.” Something about what Sasuke said bothers me. He doesn’t do easy lays. Is he judging me for sleeping with Blue? Is he calling me easy? Sure, I’ll sleep with pretty much anyone who’s close enough in age, but is that so wrong?

“Did I offend you?”

“Huh?” I snap out of my train of thought. “That’s—”

“Sorry. I ought not to slut-shame,” Sasuke says. “It’d be hypocritical at best.”

“You calling yourself a slut?”

“I’ve been known to be promiscuous,” he says vaguely.

“Hey now, that’s a loaded word.” I think about it. “How about… experienced? You’ve had practice.”

“And how is euphemizing it any better? It still carries a negative connotation.”

“More for girls, to be fair.”

“And gay men, and pretty much anyone who isn’t a heterosexual male. It’s not fair at all; it’s a double standard.”

“Well you sure are a depressing conversationalist,” I say with a frown. It’s not that I disagree with him. I’d just rather not think about it. I have to admit I’ve never had complaints when I hook up with girls, but admitting I’m pan – and then subsequently having to explain that it’s not necessarily the same as bi – tends to lead to labels of greediness.

“The state of the world is fairly depressing.” He tips back the rest of his coffee and stands. “Well, on that cheerful note, I have a class to be at.”

“What, you’re gonna leave this cloud of doom and gloom hanging over us?” I say, though I get to my feet as well. “Geez. D’you do this to every conversation you have? I’m not sure I wanna keep talking to a guy who gets me down whenever I say bye to him.”

“Implying you were thinking of meeting up again?” He smirks at the surprise on my face and tosses his empty coffee cup in the bin as he passes. “It’s a discussion, not a monologue. As you have said before, it takes two to tango. I’m sure that, since you have dance classes, you know that some pairs tango together better than others.”

“The word you’re looking for is ‘chemistry.’ Acting’s all about it.”

“Yes, well, apparently the chemistry here—” he makes a gesture pointing to me, then himself, that links us in a way that seems all too intimate “—has a tendency to produce weighty topics. You shouldn’t be surprised, considering we bonded over that gay pride pin of yours.”

“Heh. I guess so.” I fall silent as we leave the café and head through the building. Sasuke’s now going in the direction of the visual arts faculty, and, having nothing better to do, I find myself tagging along like an aimless stray. The analogy fits even better when I remember Sasuke bought me sustenance. There’s a nagging voice at the back of my head telling me I ought to stick up for my autonomy, but it’s easily quashed by the overeager puppy inside me that’s ready to jump all over Sasuke and adore him. Because, well, fuck.

“You’re not going to show up to my lecture on intellectual copyright, are you?” asks Sasuke, noting my continued presence. “Because as much as I’d love having the distraction of your riveting company, I’ll need to pay attention and make notes.”

“Well, sorry I couldn’t be more interesting to you,” I retort, though mostly in jest. “Seriously? Who uses the word ‘riveting’ outside of a sarcastic context?”

“Who said I wasn’t being sarcastic?”

“Oh, ouch. Did you just imply I’m drier than a lecture on intellectual copyright?”

“No, that was all you.”

“Of course.” I roll my eyes, but I have to admit I’m rather enjoying Sasuke’s sharp wit, even if it may be at my own expense. I’ve never been adverse to a bit of self-deprecating humour. Sasuke just seems so sure of himself. He knows who he is and what he wants, and I’ll bet you he knows how to get it too. You know what they say about what confidence does to people? Well, they’re right. “Well, thanks again for the mocha, as misguided as it may have been.”

“If you didn’t want it you could’ve just said so.”

“I kind of, y’know, just _maybe_ tried to mention you didn’t have to—”

“It’s not the same,” he says, shaking his head like he knows everything.

“Semantics! It’s not that I didn’t want it. Just… there are priorities, y’know? Like food, and bus fare. If my loan doesn’t come in tomorrow I won’t even be coming to class.” Not that I’d mind, to be perfectly honest, but they take our attendance and stuff. I could convince someone to sign me in though.

“Can’t you walk?”

“From Terra Park? Yeah, right. Take me an hour, that would.”

He raises an eyebrow. “Why the hell do you live all the way out by Terra Park?”

“Uh, because it was the only house that wasn’t taken, falling apart, or way too expensive? Trust me, if we’d had a choice, me ‘n’ my housemates would’ve picked somewhere much closer.”

Sasuke shakes his head as though in disbelief. “Look. I live on campus; if you wanted to come over for dinner—”

“What’s this?” I say, hoping to take the initiative for once. “Asking me on a date? Sorry, babe, I’m taken. In a committed relationship with Macbeth, at least until Friday. Then I’m dumping him.”

“I thought you were dating Blue.”

“Huh? Oh, no,” I say with a laugh. “He’s a fuck buddy. We’re just sleeping together. Anyway, Blue’s flexible. In more ways than one,” I add, as an afterthought.

“Uh huh. Does he have a name?”

“It’s Yamashita Katsumi, but he’s a better fuck if you call him Blue in bed.” I chuckle. “It’s a bit of a crap nickname if you think about it. I try not to, though – I mean, you don’t really need a turn-off like that, and it suits him well enough that you can ignore any unfortunate implications. Anyway, all he has to do is look at you with those eyes and—”

“Naruto?”

“Yeah-huh?”

“Might I ask whether you know what the acronym TMI stands for?”

I blink, then give a sheepish laugh. “Hah, sorry. I do this sometimes.”

“In public no less. If you’re going to tell me your relationship history, do it tonight.”

“Tonight?” I ask blankly, then remember the conversation from about half a minute ago. “Right, tonight. I just told you I’m committed, didn’t I?”

“I thought you said he was flexible. Or did you mean Macbeth?”

“Both. I’m booked up tonight.”

“Tomorrow night then. Do you have lines to memorize? I’ll quiz you. You can keep me company while I cook.”

I squint suspiciously at him. “Are you planning to mug me or something? I told you, I’m skint. You’d get more money finding a quarter on the ground, and I’m not exaggerating. Anyway, what’d I ever do to deserve your pity?”

“Can’t you take a little hospitality?” he says with a shrug. “If it’s payment you’re concerned about, you can treat me to coffee when your loan’s through.”

“I was planning on it anyway, so it isn’t—”

“Once again implying you want to see me again.” That know-it-all smirk is back. “Be in the library tomorrow at half past five. We’ll see how good you are at that tango you seem so keen on.” And he rounds the corner into the lecture hall, leaving me standing there like an idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I don't really know what I'm doing with this fic. It's being pretty complicated; I'm coming up with ideas and backstory as I write and these things end up contradicting earlier implications and I keep having to go back and rework stuff. It's all a muddle right now, and I keep writing myself into corners.
> 
> I really hope this turns out to be another nice, long fic I can write easily. I doubt it, mostly due to the fact that I'm sitting here wanting it, but we'll see. The story's being a bit stubborn and I'm not really sure where I'm going with this yet, but fingers crossed I can get some mileage out of it.
> 
> P.S. If anyone out there has any experience studying – or working in – acting or graphic design, give me a shout! I need to do some research since they're not really things I know much about, and I figured getting some firsthand accounts might help.


	2. Vacancy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These chapters are overall much shorter than Two Face chapters, which annoys me a bit because TF’s chapters were already pretty short. I shouldn’t complain about chapter length because it really depends on what the chapter needs, but it bugs me all the same.  
> I forgot to mention last chapter that you should be prepared for a lot of non-SasuNaru relationships/mentions/general shippy stuff in this fic, but if you didn’t get scared off by the summary and/or the first chapter then you probably won’t care too much anyway.

“And he’s clever and smart and funny and ohmygod, he’s just, like, _sooo_ dreamy!” I squeal, clasping my hands together and fluttering my eyelashes in my best impression of a teenage girl.

Sakura laughs. “Why didn’t you audition for the role of Juliet for the Modern Shakespeare Society? You’d have been perfect.”

I sprawl out on my stomach on the couch, hanging over the arm to face the dining table where she and Sai are currently working. Sai’s half of the table is littered with animation paper, frames in various untidy piles, a lamp pointed at the back of a clear plastic board upon which he draws his frames. Sakura’s doing a technical drawing of some building she’s designing for her architecture work, making measurements with the precision of a neurosurgeon. The diligence of my housemates makes me feel a bit guilty for not doing work, but all I’ve got is reading and I can’t really do that in company. Too distracting for something as complex as Shakespeare.

“Oh, yes, Naruto would make the best Juliet,” adds Sai.

“Obviously,” I say. “Me and my six-pack, we’d get the role without even trying.”

“What? You don’t have a six-pack,” Sakura exclaims.

“Yes I do!”

“Last I saw you didn’t. And that was, what, two weeks ago?”

“Three. Obviously I’ve been working out since our last martial arts session. Look!” I get up on my knees on the couch and lift my shirt up to my chest. Sai’s quick to stare, but Sakura rolls her eyes before indulging me. She scoffs at what she sees.

“You call that a six-pack?”

I pout. “Well it’s a start.”

She turns in her seat and lifts her own shirt. I’m briefly distracted by the hint of a brightly coloured bra before seeing that, in fact, Sakura’s abs are more jacked than mine. Not that I’m entirely surprised – Sakura’s one of the strongest people I know, and I know some serious gym lovers.

“Okay, fine, you win. But I’m not exactly hoping to look like a Photoshopped model here.” I smooth out my shirt and sit back down. “I know you’re crazy into fitness and all that but I just wanna stay healthy, y’know?”

“I know. You’ve told me.” She leans in super close to her drawing as she draws a line to exactly the right length, not a speck of graphite out of place, then carefully sets down her pencil and leans back with a sigh. “Done. Sai?”

“Let me finish this frame,” he says, turning back to his work.

“Hurry it up, I’m hungry,” I say.

“So am I, but I’m going to forget what I needed to do if I leave it now.”

I hop up and peek over Sai’s shoulder. He sketches in a figure with quick, decisive blue lines, frequently flipping to the drawing behind this one to check the movement. I watch as he flips back and forth and his character comes to life. He grabs blank piece of paper from a huge stack, scribbles some notes to himself, and sets everything down. I drape myself over him and reach around him to turn off his lamp. I make to stand back up, but he grabs my arm and holds me there.

“I hate you, you know that, right?” he growls into my ear, but he’s smiling.

I grin in return. “Yeah, I know.” I like to tease Sai because I know he’s wanted to fuck me since forever. He jokes about the size of my dick, but we all know it’s unfounded. There are no boundaries in this house. Well, okay, but they’re obvious ones, limits for ourselves rather than reservations around each other. We’re fine with going for a piss with the door open, walking out of the shower naked, touch-teasing and play-fighting, TMIs, you name it. We know too much about each other, but we’re there for each other every step of the way.

“Right, let’s go.” Sai pushes me off and stands, and soon we’re out the door and heading for the takeaway at the end of the street. Barring conflicting schedules we usually eat together – saves us money shopping for groceries, as well as time and effort when it comes to cooking. I guess we’re a bit like a family, the three of us. A really, really _close_ family. If you know what I mean.

“You still owe me for that movie,” I remind Sakura. “Get me a poutine and some onion rings and we’ll call it even?”

She nods. “Works for me. If your loan’s not in by tomorrow, though, you’re gonna be in trouble.”

“Oh well,” I say with a shrug. “I’ve got tomorrow’s dinner sorted out, so I won’t starve or anything. I might not make it to uni though.”

Sai says, “You never did tell us what Mr. Dreamy’s name is.”

“It’s Mr. Kinsey Six, actually,” I correct him, remembering the conversation I had this afternoon. “He said his name’s Sasuke.”

Sakura promptly trips over the curb. I manage to catch her, then carefully set her back on her feet.

“You okay there?” I ask, concerned.

“Yeah. I just – you surprised me,” she says with incredulity in her voice. “Sasuke was my next door neighbour for five years.”

“What?” This completely throws me off. “How did I not know this?”

“Idiot, I’ve told you before! Remember? I’m the first one he came out to.” She resumes walking, and I follow suit.

“Hm.” I do remember her telling me about how she crushed on the boy next door for a significant portion of her teen years. How, just before she moved out with her parents, she confessed to him. How he’d already known, how he’d told her he wanted it to be that easy, but he couldn’t see her that way. “So you didn’t know he’s at our uni?”

“Oh, I knew. I just… didn’t have the courage to talk to him again, I guess.” She looks thoughtful. “I mean, I fell out of touch with him after that. I think I heard from someone in high school that he was going into VisComm, and, well, where do you go for that around here besides the Arts Academy? But I never ran into him or anything.”

“Small world,” Sai comments. I just nod in assent, but the cogs are turning in my mind. From the stories she’s told me, Sakura probably knew Sasuke fairly well.

“Want a drink too?” Sakura asks.

“Huh?” It’s not until she speaks that I realize we’re at the takeaway. “Oh, nah. I’ll just grab something back home.”

“Alright then.” We head inside and Sakura goes to the counter to order for us all. Sai grabs a chair by the window to wait, and I just lean against the wall and stick my hands in my pockets.

“You seem to have taken a shine to this Sasuke.” Sai’s gaze is directed towards the window, but it’s so dark out that all you can see is the reflection of the chip shop against the glass. “I guess this means ogling isn’t a relationship-prohibited activity?”

“Oh, shut it,” I snap, reaching a foot out to kick his. “Like I don’t check your ass out every morning.”

“Charmed.” He’s smiling, though. “Does Blue know?”

“He checks out your ass every morning he’s at ours too.”

“I meant about Sasuke.”

“Oh, I haven’t talked to him today. He doesn’t care anyway, y’know? I mean… the restrictions are all me.”

“I know. But he’d probably take any excuse to sleep around.”

“Yep.” I sigh. “Oh well. If he does I’ll just ask Sasuke for a fuck. He seems willing enough.”

“Am I not willing enough?”

I laugh at this, although Sai’s being serious. I can’t help it. I have to keep the mood light. “Sai, we live together. It’d be awkward after.”

“Well no, not if we were dating. I’m not that repulsive, am I?”

“What? No! No, you’re not. You’re smart and talented and sexy as fuck—” he smiles at this “—but I just…” I glance away, over to where Sakura’s waiting for our food.

“I get it,” says Sai quietly. I turn back to him. He knows where I was looking. “You’re right, it would be awkward. And as desirable as it might be, I don’t think Sakura is quite ready for a threesome, even with us.”

I chuckle. “Yeah. Well, it’s not that we’re not ready.”

“You think of us as your siblings?” he offers.

“Kinda, almost. I’d totally do you – either of you, both of you – but… it’s not what’s right.”

 “Hm.” Sai’s gaze drops, and he looks thoughtful. I study his features: his slim eyes, his soft hair, his porcelain pale skin. He’s got a figure a woman would kill for. Nimble fingers. Thin wrists. I do love Sai, very much. Everything fits for a relationship with him except for a gut feeling. It’s exactly the same for Sakura. I just feel so comfortable with them both, together, and I doubt there’s much that sexual relations will add to our friendship.

“You guys seem kinda quiet.” Sakura hands us each a paper bag full of food. “What’s up?”

“Oh, just lamenting the fact that we’ll never have a threesome,” I say casually, as Sai stands. “We heading home then?”

—

Dinner’s a little subdued. Well, it’s not dinner so much as it is me. Sakura and Sai are taking a break from working to eat – after all, greasy food and important papers do not go well together – and they chat freely, laughing and making jabs at each other. I sit alone on the couch, just listening as I eat. I couldn’t ask for better housemates, better friends. So what’s missing?

“Naruto, you haven’t said a word,” Sai notes, finishing off his fries. I’m only halfway through mine. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing,” I say automatically.

“He’s lovestruck,” Sakura jokes. “Enamoured. Utterly besotted. His Romeo, his knight in shining armour—”

“Whatever.” I pull out my phone and text Blue. He responds in moments, so I pack my leftovers back into the paper bag, heave myself out of my seat, and grab my coat and boots again. “I’m gonna go get laid. See you guys tomorrow.”

“Oh, don’t rub it in our faces,” Sakura pouts.

“I wasn’t trying to?”

“Naruto,” Sai says, his voice concerned, “are you sure you’re okay? You’re acting funny.”

“Of course I’m okay.” I give him a smile. “Just fine. Right? Night, guys.”

I leave before they can say anything more, heading down the street to Blue’s flat. What was Sai expecting? For me to suddenly come out and tell him I’m not? I don’t even know myself. I’ve been thinking and thinking, and this isn’t the first time the topic’s come up, about me and Sakura and Sai and our relationships together. So what’s suddenly bugging me about it? Why do I suddenly feel like there’s a hole in my heart? I don’t think it’s that something disappeared – it’s more like I discovered an extra empty section. Come to think of it now, it’s not that unfamiliar a feeling. Maybe I forgot the hole existed, and now it’s come back to me again. Although I’m not sure exactly what type, I know it fits into the broader category of loneliness. And that’s why I’m going to Blue’s now.

He’s already waiting in the lobby when I arrive twenty minutes later, and comes to unlock the door for me. You only have to look at him once to know why his nickname is Blue. It’s the only colour in his wardrobe, in his shoes, in his eyes like ice and his electric dyed hair. He’s a couple of inches shorter than me, skinny as a stick, and so sexy he takes your breath away. This guy shouldn’t be able to walk down the street without getting a warning for public indecency.

“Hey, babe,” he says with a smile, and pulls me into a deep kiss. I close my eyes and lose myself in him, in his touch and his taste and his warmth after the cold night. I feel his arms wrap around me and think, yes, this masks the loneliness. When he pulls away, his eyes sparkle with desire. “How’s your day been?”

“Uneventful,” I reply, because it’s the first word that comes to mind. Of course this is pretty far from the truth, but I’m not in the mood to exchange pleasantries. I briefly slip my fingers under the hem of his skin-tight shirt. “Let’s go.”

Being with Blue is usually nothing but fun. He can really piss me off in day-to-day life, but he does what I want him to in bed and I’m more than happy to take out some of my frustration by fucking him as hard as I can. But tonight I just lie back as he rides me, saying all sorts of dirty things and moving in irresistible ways. We go at it for a couple of hours until he’s exhausted, though I’m not quite there yet – but then I rarely hit my limit anyway, with my endurance. Then he snuggles against me, a hand sliding across my chest. He presses his lips gently against my cheek.

“You’re awfully quiet today,” he breathes. “Tired?”

“Yeah.” I glance over at him. He’s watching me carefully, a look in his eyes that almost seems concerned. “Sorry,” I say, as though I should’ve tried harder or something, although I don’t really feel sorry.

But he shakes his head. “You still felt amazing, as always. And I’m glad I got you off a couple of times.”

“Mm.” I’m used to Blue’s casual talk of sex, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t bother me when it’s in the wrong context. Which I guess this isn’t, technically, but now that we’re done I just feel like going home.

But before I can even suggest it, Blue moves closer, holding me tighter. “Stay the night?” he asks, in a gentle voice, and I can’t say no. It’s maybe the only situation in which I actually almost like him. I start to think that maybe I could date him for real. But then the next morning he’s all abrasive dickishness again.

“We’ve got class in the morning,” he reminds me. “I’ll make you breakfast.”

“ ‘Kay,” I reply noncommittally, and close my eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added this chapter after having written five, and now my sense of timeline is all wonky. I can only compare it to the mess of temporal travel that exists in Homestuck. I swear that thing is genius just for how it manages not to confuse itself because chronologically is the way my mind organizes best.


	3. Hawks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things I'm learning while I write L.U.S.T. (I'm on chapter nine now) include the fact that I have a crap sense of long-term pacing. Things that I feel ought to be happening over the span of a few weeks are happening within a few days. It's less noticeable because of the chapters and the amount of detail that goes into each day, but it still bothers me. I may be making excuses here – I should probably be trying to fix the mistake instead of just saying sorry and moving on – but I've honestly thought about everything and can't think of a way. So apologies, and hopefully after chapter eight I can be more diligent about pacing it more realistically. I know this has nothing to do with chapter three, but I felt that it was important to say and that by the time I added it to the chapter eight comment, it'd be too late.

It's a quarter to six and I'm not taking in a word of Macbeth. Fucking bastard stood me up, didn't he? As if I wasn't already in a bad enough mood. Blue did make me breakfast – in fact, he woke me up for it and served it to me on a tray in bed, which is unusual. Normally he just yells at me to come into the kitchen. It took until class to remind me why I can hardly stand him. One minute we're walking to uni from his place and I'm thinking maybe it wouldn't be so bad to be in a relationship with him; the next he's going on about something stupid I don't care about and getting all up in everyone's faces when he talks to them. Thing is, there's no escaping him when he's on my course and in my year.

I was hoping for this meeting with Sasuke to lift my mood. Unlike Blue, Sasuke is someone I really enjoy being around. Besides the first silence while we were walking from the ATM to the café, I don't think I ever felt weird being with him. But now I'm here trying and failing to read Shakespeare and Sasuke's probably not going to turn up. See if I ever pay him back for the coffee. It's probably not worth hanging out with him if he ditches like this. Maybe. Meeting him again isn't unlikely on such a small campus, but that doesn't mean I have to talk to him. I tend to see mostly the same people in the cafeteria for lunch on days when I'm there – if he's one of those types, I'll just know when to avoid him, and the rest is easy enough since we're not studying in the same faculty. I only hung out with him for about twenty minutes, but I already know I'd recognize him anywhere – the self-confident posture, the distinctive stride, the voice and the duck-butt hairdo and just the expression in his eyes, like all he wants to do is fuck you while discussing moral philosophy. Okay, so that one doesn't make much sense. But he's just so fucking smart, and I'm such a damn sucker for light eyes, I swear. Sasuke is actually somewhat similar to Blue, to be honest – tall, skinny, with that seductive aura about him. A little irritating, but in a way I don't mind, which is pretty different from Blue. I guess it helps that he seems comfortable talking about sex. Though I haven't actually  _had_  sex with him yet, so it's not all serious the way it is with Blue. But yeah, contrary to what it looks like, I don't  _actually_ talk about sex to everyone I meet. Sure, I'll try a couple of innuendos, but if the person isn't engaging in the conversation I back off. Sasuke not only took it in stride, he actively pursued the topic himself, asking me questions like he's known me forever. You don't always meet a guy who'll treat you like an old friend from day one. Is it disrespect? Arrogance? One could come to the conclusion that Sasuke doesn't think much of me, the way he scoffs at about half the things I say, but then would he have invited me to dinner if he disliked me?

I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and start the page over again, drilling each word into my head, but they're not stringing together. All I can think about is the fact that a really hot guy I met at the ATM asked me over to his place, offered to make me food, and implied he wanted to sleep with me. And then bailed. But still, how many times does that happen? I've met a couple of hook-ups this way, but never as readily. I'm not lacking in action, though; Blue's been pretty good about jumping my bones. I mean, that's the only reason I still sleep with him. He leaves me wanting for nothing – whatever I want to do, he's up for it. The thing about Blue is, he's turned on by  _you_  being turned on. It's a vicious cycle, and it's perfect. He's perfect. So why do I want Sasuke too?

No! I don't want Sasuke. Well, I do, but if he's going to ask me – no,  _tell_  me to be somewhere and then not show up himself, he's not worth it. Like I said, it's not like I need anything else. I'll read a bit more, then maybe drop by Blue's place again. As annoying as he was in class today, it was no different from the usual. Maybe I can convince him to make me dinner. He's the one who offered to stop sleeping around if it meant he got to sleep with me, so I can probably use sex as leverage. Is that bad? If Blue were to bribe me with sex, how would I feel? Well, I'd know he'd be denying himself his desires as well, so that's something, though that puts me out of sex too. I could threaten to leave him for Sasuke but then he'd just go and sleep with someone else and we'd both be happy, albeit down an amazing bed partner. But I don't suppose it'd be too hard to find a half-decent replacement. I don't expect to find someone quite as good as Blue, but Sasuke's probably alright in bed. I tend to equate "promiscuous" to "has had practice" nowadays, so I don't doubt he'd have some skill, but of course I won't know until I do him…

There I go again. I thought I'd already established I'm not doing this. I roll my eyes at my own idiocy, stuff my book into my bag, and head for the exit. I've just stepped outside when someone grabs my shoulder and whirls me around.

"And where do you think you're going?"

I have to regain my balance before I can look, but I can already tell by that self-important, dangerous,  _sexy_  voice who it is.

"Where have you  _been_?" I ask in reply, meeting Sasuke's bright grey eyes, already stepping up to his challenge with my own. I don't miss the way his hand still rests on my shoulder, nor the way the weight of my bad mood is already lifting.

"Looking for you, naturally. How do you expect me to find you if you're moving around? The library isn't small."

"Got lost, I presume?" I retort. "You take an entire afternoon out of a guy's schedule and then you can't even be bothered to show up on time. And I made such an effort not to be late myself."

"You do seem like the kind of guy whose punctuality isn't his strong point, but I didn't ask you to be three hours early to avoid missing our date."

I bristle at the word "date," though he can't know that's what I reacted to. "That's not what I meant! I had class this morning, and I'm not gonna bus all the way home just to come back here in another hour. That'd cost money I don't have, besides being a waste of time. Better just to stay on campus. What's your excuse, then?"

"My lecture went overtime. I would've let you know if I could, but, well, it's not like I have your number or anything." He frowns. "You're awfully defensive. Surely it wasn't that terrible of a wait, was it?"

I cross my arms, though I feel less inclined to project hostility now. Something about his last sentence, like he's genuinely concerned or something. "I read a total of four pages."

"In three hours?"

"Well, Blue did call me and we talked a bit, but yeah, other than that I was mostly just distracted. Shakespeare's hard enough to understand without about fifty other things running through your head."

"Do tell." Is it just me, or has Sasuke's hand slid further up my shoulder, closer to my neck now? His thumb moves against my collarbone, igniting my skin with sensation. Though I'm not sure how I feel about accepting this gesture, deliberate or not, I can't bring myself to say anything against it. I search his face, but he just looks thoughtful. Then he pulls his hand away, taking with him the warmth of his contact. "Well, never mind. I've got a couple of books to pick up first, so unless you want to wait outside…"

"Yeah, yeah." I follow him back into the library, feeling a bit stupid for doing so. I eye the comfortable couches scattered about, considering just camping out until he's done, but I'm also a little interested in what kinds of books he might be taking out. They might give me some insight on what he's like, so I tag along as he scans the Dewey decimal codes on the ends of the shelves, then delves into the 300s.

"Social studies, huh," I say as I scan some of the titles, trying to seem knowledgeable. Because I know the first thing about – what's that title say?  _An Introduction to Political Science_?

"This section's got some of my favourite subjects in it," Sasuke says. "Cultural studies, anthropology, customs and folklore."

"Oh, I know. It's awesome," I say at once. I don't even use the library on a regular basis. Our course provides copies of the texts we're studying, and any theoretical stuff on the side is… well, they call it required reading, but really now. It's not like I've never opened a book by Stanislavski. I did quite a bit of reading at the beginning of last year, when we were all new to the course and eager to show our dedication. But once you learn to cheat the system, you don't keep playing the hard way. How can you resist the lure of a shortcut?

Sasuke finally slows down at the 340s. Long, academic-looking titles line this section. Law, taxes, court procedures. "Yep," I say. "Utterly riveting."

"Well not  _everything_  is fascinating. But as an artist I need to know my rights. Here it is," he says, pulling a book off the shelf. "Next is 741, upstairs. You don't have to follow me, you know."

"No reason not to," I reply as we head for the stairs, "unless you can't stand my company, in which case you wouldn't have invited me to your place."

"Indeed. Well, your call."

He starts climbing the stairs and I follow along behind. Speaking of "behind"… At this distance, my eye level is just about exactly at his hips. He doesn't have much ass to boast of, if I'm perfectly honest, but then I'm not a fan of too much ass on a guy. It doesn't help the skinny jean look, anyway. He seems to like his jeans low-rise, which is fine with me: I can see a sliver of pale skin between his waistband and the hem of his shirt, today a long-sleeved one the colour of the sea. Not an ounce of fat on his hips to speak of. Bet you he doesn't even have to work out. I'd kill for a metabolism like that.

The 700s belong to the Arts, so, being an art college, our school's library weighs in fairly well in this section. Most of the upper floor is dedicated to it. Sasuke finds what he needs fairly quickly; it must be a standard text for his degree because there are about eight copies on the shelf, two of which are for reference only and can't be taken out of the library. He steps back to scan the area quickly. "I think that's it," he mutters, more to himself than to me, then grabs another book and slides it out to look at the cover. Immediately he scoffs and shows it to me. "Tch. You'd think, for a book on graphic design, they'd try to make their cover a little less appalling."

I take a look at it. It seems nice enough – some colourful boxes, the title at the top, a little blurb describing the contents. I can't see what's so bad about it. Maybe it isn't brilliant and unique, but it isn't horrendous or anything either. "If you're expecting me to critique it, you're outta luck. I don't know the first thing about graphic design."

Sasuke just rolls his eyes. "The composition's all wrong. The colour combinations are awful. I don't even know what they were thinking." He puts it back and heads for the checkout counter. "I can't read that. Come on, I have what I need."

"So… what about that saying about not judging books by their covers?" I say with a smirk, remembering him using that exact line yesterday when I thought he was weird for buying me a drink.

"It's a book about design. Surely no design book that fails to have a reasonable cover would be a good resource. A good laugh, maybe."

"You could learn from its mistakes?" I suggest.

Sasuke opens his mouth to retort, then frowns, pausing. I note his near-perfect teeth before he says, "You know, that's not a bad idea. Maybe I will pick it up next time."

"You say it like you don't expect me to have anything but bad ideas. I may be blond, but I'm not dumb."

"Well, there are other areas in which to excel besides the Intelligence Quotient," is all he says.

"I'm not  _even_ gonna say anything because I know that's an insult."

"Not really worth calling a comeback, but it's a start." But there's humour in his voice, and I can't help but smile too. I gotta admit it – Sasuke's tons of fun. As if I ever considered ignoring him.

"So you live on campus," I say as we head off towards Sasuke's place. "Would that be in the dorms?"

He nods. "It's five people to a kitchen, but I get my own room and bathroom."

I whistle at this. "Sweet. I share a shower with a guy and a girl." I mean, they're not too bad, but it can be a bit of a pain sometimes.

"I wouldn't share a bathroom even if the accommodation were free. Guys especially can be disgusting."

"Says a guy himself."

"I like to maintain a sense of hygiene, thanks. Anyway, it's my bathroom so I do what I like. I won't be bothering anyone else with my habits."

"What if you're living with a boyfriend? Would you share then?"

"Naturally. But he ought to expect me to get on his case about cleaning."

"I'll let him know if I see him," I say.

"You know my future boyfriend? Tell me more, O prophet."

"Oh yeah, didn't I say? I'm from the future." I grin. "He's a huge slob. Piles the dishes in the sink, doesn't tie off the top of the bread bag, leaves hair in the drain trap in the shower. Dirty laundry everywhere, porn mags on the ground, chip crumbs enticing mice and ants into his home. Utterly filthy."

"He's getting dumped within the day." Sasuke looks utterly revolted; I have to laugh. "Please tell me you don't know anyone like that."

"I've known a few," I admit. "Thankfully it's no one I live with now, though last year I did nearly step on a used condom—"

"I don't need to know." He pulls a set of keys out of his pocket, at which point I realize we've reached the dorm buildings. They're pretty plain, just a couple of brick blocks with windows down the sides, but I know some people who live here and it's actually alright inside. A bit old, and the carpet's stained with spilled drinks from wild nights, but all things considered you can't really ask for more.

Sasuke uses his fob to let us in, then leads me up to the second floor. It smells a bit musty, though a couple of windows are cracked open and the rest is mostly covered up by the scent of what might be roast beef wafting from one of the kitchens. It reminds me of how I haven't eaten since breakfast and entices a loud rumble from my stomach. Sasuke raises an eyebrow.

"What? I'm hungry," I say with a shrug.

"I hear someone I don't know!" calls a singsong voice. A moment later, a guy with blue-white hair and exceptionally pointy teeth pokes his head out of the kitchen. He takes one look at me and grins wickedly. "Oh, Sasuke, you've brought home another gorgeous boy. Where  _do_  you find these men?"

"It's not my fault they're flinging gay pride flags at me," he replies coolly. To me he says, "Ignore Suigetsu; he's what the internet calls a troll."

But I have no intention of listening to Sasuke. Suigetsu's words tell some very interesting tales indeed. "Nice to meet you," I say. "I'm Naruto."

His eyebrows shoot up. "Naruto? As in Uzumaki?"

Something flashes in Sasuke's eyes at this. He looks at me, but says nothing, so I continue my conversation with Suigetsu. "Yeah, that's me. Do you, uh, know me?" I get the feeling I'd have recognized a guy like Suigetsu if I'd met him before. But he's only reacted to my name, not my appearance, so there must be something else.

"Oh, not really. It's just our dormmate's been going on about how her third cousin once removed or something is 'banging that, like,  _totally_ hot twink' she used to sleep with." He raises his voice. "Hey, Karin!"

I try to say, "I don't think that's an accurate—"

"NARUTO!" The furious shriek rattles the windows and a door across the hall opens. Out steps the fiery-haired, bespectacled bundle of rage I have the honour of calling my second cousin.

"You know her?" says Sasuke, baffled. "You're  _related_  to her?"

"Nice to see ya, Karin," I say with an easy grin. Something about her constant rampaging makes me inclined to be more laid back around her. One thing's for sure – this whirlwind of a girl is definitely an Uzumaki.

She slams her door and is in my face in seconds. "You fucking bastard!" she snarls. "You greedy, idiotic, cheeky – you and your stupid sexy ass—"

"Whoa there. I draw the line at incest." I pat the top of her head and she seems to calm down a little. Karin and I lost touch when we started high school. Mostly because I got sick of her swooning over me once she hit puberty. I know it's legal to marry cousins and therefore second cousins should be even more legal, but I just don't really like the idea in the first place. "What gives?"

"It's not fair," she whines. "You and  _Blue_. You didn't even tell me you went to this school!"

"I didn't know you did either. How are your parents doing?"

"They're fine," she huffs. Then, unexpectedly, she throws her arms around me. "Goddammit, Naruto."

I don't know what to say to this. Slightly confused, I hug her back.

"Wow," says Suigetsu, in the silence that follows. "So, uh… Naruto. Yeah. She's the reason your name's been around campus faster than… well, faster than Blue. The legendary Blue God, tamed by no one, until now. All last year Karin could only take solace in the fact that she couldn't hold Blue down because no one could."

"You must be fucking amazing in bed," Karin mumbles into my chest. "Like, a star is born every time you make someone come."

"I don't want to hear you talking about my sex life. You're practically my sister."

"Your  _sister_? What kind of sister do you stop talking to for five years?"

"Uh, one who keeps hitting on me?" I look from Suigetsu to Sasuke, searching for help. She may be my relative, but like she said, I haven't seen her in years. The guys will know her better.

"Okay, Karin, lay off," says Suigetsu, poking her hard between the ribs. She jumps away with a yell of surprise. "Leave the poor kid alone. He and Sasuke have…  _business_." He smirks at the last word.

"What?" Karin stares at me, then Sasuke, the fury lighting in her eyes once again. "First Blue, now Sasuke? Goddammit, Naruto!"

"I do  _not_ have 'business' with Sasuke," I say. "I'm with Blue."

Suigetsu seems impressed. "You're being dragged into Sasuke's room and you're not planning on sleeping with him? Man, you must really be attached to Blue if even Sasuke can't sway your morals."

I frown. "Look, I don't do this poly stuff. Karin, there's nothing to get all fired up about."

"Oh, she'll get as fired up as she wants. She's Karin. Anyway, she has the  _biggest_  crush on Sasuke."

"Why am I not surprised?" I mutter. "Apparently Karin hasn't changed in five years. Though to be fair, who  _wouldn't_  have a crush on Sasuke?"

"Uh, maybe me? I don't do pretty boys. No offense to Sasuke; he's one hot dude, but—"

"I think that's quite enough." Sasuke steps up in the middle of all of us, a strange expression on his face. His brow is furrowed, and is it just the light in here, or are his cheeks ever so slightly pink? "Go check on your food, Suigetsu; I think I can smell it burning. Karin… just go away."

"What?" She's practically fuming at the ears. "If I hear your bed banging against the wall tonight, Sasuke—"

"Then it won't be the first time," Suigetsu cackles.

"Yeah, whatever." Sasuke stalks off without another word. I hesitate, but he grabs my wrist and yanks me away down the hall. Suigetsu just stands there and watches, sharp teeth bared in a wicked grin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: SPOILERS for the manga in these author's notes, so don't read if you don't know much about Karin. I'm not actually sure how recently this kind of info was revealed. Proceed with caution. You have been warned. Here goes.
> 
> I've hated Karin for a long time. She was portrayed as the stereotypical fangirl, and I have to admit I'm not above getting very protective of my OTP. But somehow I suddenly liked her a lot more as soon as she stopped being so crazy about Sasuke and began to admire Naruto. And I love that she's related to Naruto. Which kind of is at war with the fact that she admires him, which I basically take as shipping (if possibly unrequited). So I decided to take this and run with it. Family is something I don't usually touch on in fics because a] it's not something I think about much in my own life and b] both Sasuke and Naruto are orphans. But I thought I'd try an AU where they're not. Normally they annoy me as being non-canon, but on the other hand I really love Naruto's parents as characters and would like to see them show up. And Sasuke's mom. Not so fond of his dad.
> 
> I had difficulty not making Suigetsu a] camp or b] a dick. I see him as abrasive and trollish, but not genuinely an asshole. But for some reason he had to come in and be really camp in his first paragraph. There's nothing wrong with being camp, but I don't think it fits Suigetsu. I can see him hamming it up a lot when it comes to this kind of thing, though, so he will appear almost flamboyant at times.
> 
> R+F


	4. Fishcakes

Sasuke doesn't say anything – and I'm too intimidated by his furious aura to be the one to break the silence – until he's unlocked his door, shoved me inside, and followed after, locking it again behind him. Then he slumps into a desk chair and heaves a deep sigh.

"I swear, those two," he groans. "I should've guessed they'd be all over you."

"Well, I am irresistible," I grin. I take in my surroundings. The first thing I notice is the smell – it's something I've noticed throughout my life, that different people's houses and rooms smell like them. I'm not opposed to the smell of Sasuke's room, which I'm thinking can only be a good thing. It's pretty small, but well thought-out: the neatly made single bed is fairly high, with space underneath that Sasuke's taken full advantage of, using it to store clear plastic boxes full of supplies. Across from the bed is his desk, which holds a laptop that's open but off, a large drawing tablet hooked up to it, wires bundled neatly with ties and plugging into the wall behind. There's also a lamp, stationery, and a stack of CDs. Books and boxes stand on shelves mounted on the walls above the desk and bed. A dresser sits under the window, a few products arranged neatly on its surface, a small mirror standing next to a razor. There are a couple of hooks for coats near the door. The bathroom's just a puny walled-off corner; the door's open, revealing barely enough space to stand and take a piss. The shower's not much bigger, just a teeny square tub and an open curtain. Still, it beats sharing any day. Everything in the room is organized and uncluttered. "You weren't kidding about killing messy people, huh? What a neat freak you are."

"I'm flattered," he says drily.

"Can I sit on your bed, or will messing up your sheets irritate you too much?"

"Naruto…"

"What?" I say, then meet his eyes. He really doesn't look happy. "…Sorry," I say, a little meekly.

He glares at me a moment longer, then heaves another sigh. "No, I should be the one apologizing. You can sit. I just… those two wear me out. Juugo's usually around to help me calm them down."

I take off my jacket and stuff it into my bag, which I drop in a corner before taking a seat on the edge of the bed, feeling a little guilty for messing up the sheets. "Another dormmate?"

He nods. "The three of them usually hang out together. They rope me into stuff, and, I dunno, rally around me like I'm their team leader or something. Just 'cause of some stupid icebreaker activity in first year when we all moved in."

"Gotta admit, you don't come off as the most social of people." I observe the dual existence of tension and exhaustion in his face, in the lines of his body. "God, you really look beat. D'you, I dunno, wanna take a nap or something? Am I intruding? I can just go, if you want."

"No, it's fine." Sasuke sits up, obviously making an effort to look less wiped out. "It's been a long day."

"I wouldn't be able to tell," I tell him sincerely. "I mean, apart from now. You seemed fine at the library."

"Caffeine crash, probably. I only make my bed out of habit," he adds, a thoughtful look coming into his eyes. "It's a bit pointless, really. I don't get visitors that often."

"Well, good thing you made it today, because I am thoroughly impressed."

"You don't seem like the kind of person who'd be hard to impress, to be honest."

"In terms of cleaning? Nah." At least he seems to be feeling up to a bit of banter, but I don't really want to retort if he's more likely to be irritable. I don't mind taking the brunt of the verbal teasing. "So."

"So," Sasuke agrees. "You hungry?"

"Always," I say with a grin. "I could probably eat non-stop. But then I'd get fat." I pinch my side and scowl. "I still gotta work off Christmas dinner."

"That's nothing," Sasuke scoffs. "A little fat never did anyone any harm. I practically freeze to death every winter."

I narrow my eyes at him. "You one of  _those_ types? Eats everything, gains nothing?"

"The grass is always greener," he says simply. He stands, unlocks the door, and leads us back out towards his kitchen.

"Do you know how hard I have to work to maintain this figure?" I say indignantly as I follow him. "I don't have  _time_ to work out as much as I do."

"So don't. No one will think any the less of you. Anyway, you ought to give some of the lesser fellows a chance at the girls and boys."

"Says the guy with looks to rival mine."

"Oh, high praise indeed." Sasuke pushes the kitchen door open and gestures me to a stool at the counter under the window, then goes to the drying rack by the sink to move some of his clean stuff into his designated cupboard. "Well, I guess it doesn't matter since you're in a committed relationship. How'd you convince the Blue God to stop sleeping around?"

"He convinced himself," I say, with a slight frown. "We had a one night stand, only after that he didn't want to stop sleeping with me. But I, ah, don't do open relationships so well. He offered to stop sleeping around if it meant he could keep sleeping with me, and I said yes, 'cause when you've got a god under your thumb, what else are you gonna do?"

"You're on the verge of being a legend yourself," Sasuke comments. "What is it they're calling you? The Orange Flash?"

My eyebrows shoot up. "Are they now? I didn't realize word got around much now that – well, now that Blue doesn't get around much." I consider this. "Kind of a lame nickname, if I had to criticize. Blue gets to be a god, and I'm, I dunno, a nudist or something?"

Just about to open the fridge, Sasuke has to stop so he can snort with laughter. "With the amount you talk about sex, I can't say it's not at least somewhat fitting."

"Really though! What does it even have to do with anything? I'm not a sexual predator!"

"It does have a dubious connotation to it. How about Orange Lightning or something instead?"

"That has a much better ring to it," I agree. "Still nothing to do with the situation, but if it's going to be like that…"

"Then I'll make sure everyone knows what to call you," he chuckles. "What do you want for dinner?"

"Dunno." My stomach growls loudly at this point. "God, I could eat a horse."

"Sorry, I finished off the last one yesterday."

I laugh. "Anything's cool. Seriously, as long as it hasn't got tomatoes in it I'll eat it."

Sasuke slides out the vegetable compartment and frowns. "What's wrong with tomatoes?"

"I just – the texture, and they're so… weird! I can't eat them!" I peer over Sasuke's shoulder. His vegetable compartment is full of tomatoes. "Oh… Oh, I've gone and offended you or something, haven't I? Did you have a pet tomato or something? And it got stolen by some asshole to throw at a really bad actor in a play?"

The frown vanishes from his face, replaced by a smile. "What are you going on about?"

"You're gonna wrinkle young if you keep frowning that much," I say with a grin. "Really though. Are you, like, a tomato addict?"

"They're good for you." He grabs a cherry tomato and pops it into his mouth. "When I was a kid, my mom used to give me tomato slices with sugar sprinkled on top. They were delicious."

"That's…" I know I'm making a weird face, but I can't help it. "I'm judging you a little right now."

"I don't care. How do you feel about omelettes? We've got mushrooms, green onions, ham, bacon, cheese…"

"All of it!"

"It shall be done." He sets various ingredients on the counter, then shuts the fridge and heads for his cupboard. "So, what's your favourite food, then?"

"Ramen, for sure. I mean, the instant stuff is good, but I'm talking the kind you get at a restaurant. Fresh noodles, vegetables and beef and an egg on top and… Am I drooling?"

"Just a little, right there," says Sasuke. I'm not, but he reaches over and pokes the side of my mouth anyway. "Isn't 'Naruto' the fishcake stuff they put in ramen?"

"The white circles with pink spirals in the middle, yeah. But it's fish paste, not fishcakes." I chuckle, remembering when my mom explained it to me. "My dad's teacher wrote a book once, about a ninja named Naruto. He came up with the name for his character when he was eating ramen. Apparently my dad loved the book, so I'm named in that ninja's honour."

"You're named after a ninja called Fishcakes?" He smirks. "Can I call you that?"

"What? No," I say at once. But I know it's no good. I probably would've stood a better chance telling him yes, if only because now he'll do it specifically to bother me. But he probably still would've.

"Pass the bacon, Fishcakes."

I roll my eyes but comply anyway. It's probably not worth arguing about. I'll lose. "D'you want any help cooking?"

"I wouldn't mind, but I thought you were supposed to be reading."

"Oh yeah." I think about it, then shrug. "Whatever. It can wait until tomorrow. What do you need? Should I wash some stuff?"

He hands me a container of mushrooms and a couple of stalks of green onion. "Knock yourself out."

We chat as we prepare the food, finally getting to the stuff you actually usually talk about when you've met someone for the first time. Our first couple of conversations mostly revolved around sex. I find out that Sasuke's favourite colour is blue; his eyes change colour depending on his mood; and he's from the big city but sticks around here because his dad passed away, his brother's a criminal on the run, and his mother's an ambassador overseas. This all sounds a little far-fetched, a little too familiar, until he mentions that his dad's company, Uchiha Information Technologies, went bankrupt thanks to Itachi.

"Wait. Uchiha? You're an Uchiha?"

He just takes the ham and bacon he cut up and starts frying it, then places the knife and cutting board in front of me. "Yep. Can you dice those too?"

Too busy processing this new knowledge, I silently take up the knife. UIT was one of the biggest companies in its time, the kind that eats other businesses for breakfast. Every month you'd hear about another name being bought out. And then, five or six years ago, the owner's son hacked into its systems, it fell apart, the owner fell ill and died of heart failure, and it was swallowed up by the rest of the world's big names. Sasuke must have had it hard. I can't imagine the pressure he must have been under – I remember hearing UIT's owner was going to pass the business on to his sons. But then again, maybe this meant the freedom he needed to pursue a career in art, if that's what he's really passionate about.

When Sasuke breaks the silence, his voice is quiet. "Thanks," he says, "for not asking why I'm in art school."

I look up. He looks back at me and smiles, and I can see in his face, along with the gratitude in his smile, the look of someone who's too often been judged, someone who's too used to trying to live up to impossible expectations. I also remember hearing of Mr. Uchiha that he was a tough father – it sticks in my mind because I asked my own dad about it, and he said all he wanted was for me to be happy. He didn't think the Uchiha children were too happy, and I can see that now in Sasuke's eyes.

"Well, I'd like to know," I finally answer, "but I would've wanted to regardless of your lineage."

He scoffs. "Lineage. There's a pretentious word." He turns back to the stove. "I have to admit I've kept some of my father's influence. Graphic design is about as realistically oriented as you can get while still being in the arts. Advertising's where the money lies."

"Do you enjoy it?"

"Sure," he replies. It's not exactly a reassuring answer, though. He glances at me, sees the look on my face. He sighs. "If I could do anything, I'd be an illustrator or a novelist. But even I can see those being tough roads. No one's saying I can't do it on the side."

I nod. "Anyway, here the writers mostly do journalism and all the illustrators seem to learn is how to sell out. My housemate, Sai – he's an animator, though he hangs out with illustrators a lot – he tells me the illustrators are expected to know how to draw from the beginning, whereas, say, the animators are taught perspective and observational drawing and shit from day one."

"Well they should know it from day one. They need to submit  _something_ for their entrance portfolios. But it wouldn't hurt to continue teaching these courses."

"Yeah. Basically it sounds like the animators get a lot more practical drawing instruction, which seems weird for the illustrators until you realize animators have to draw twelve pictures for every second of animation. Can you imagine how many drawings that is for a Disney film?"

"Don't films take twenty-five frames per second?"

"Do they?" I'm dumbfounded.

"Well, yeah. One of my dormmates is in animation too. She's said that for television they usually just draw half the frames, but in films they do all of them so the animation's smoother. It just sounds like an exponential increase in work to me, especially considering the quality of film animation is generally better."

"No kidding." I tip the diced vegetables into a bowl to give Sasuke. "Need anything else?"

"A massage. My back and shoulders have been killing me lately." He chuckles. "Nah, I can handle the rest."

I sit back on the stool and say, "I've been told I'm good at massages. But giving you one while you're cooking may not be the best of ideas. It's like road head," I add brightly, and get the reaction I was hoping for when Sasuke snorts with laughter. God, I don't know why, but I love when he does that. It's just so… dorky. I'm gonna have to see if I can make him do it while he's drinking something.

"Please tell me you've never given road head," Sasuke says, the laughter still evident in his voice.

"Sorry, that would be lying. If it's any consolation, it was the worst decision of my life. I mean, this guy was a professional driver – he could probably drive sleeping if you needed him to; I figured he wouldn't be distracted by something so simple as a blowjob, but… I guess I'm just that skilled. Orgasms at eighty kilometres an hour are dangerous, man."

"I could've told you that. Thankfully massages while cooking are less likely to result in crushed cars, although burning down the building is still a possibility. Better leave it 'til later."

I can tell by the way he says it that he's joking – that he doesn't actually expect me to give him a massage. Pfft, yeah, like I'd ever pass up  _that_ chance. But I say nothing, just hum a tune under my breath and watch him add sprinkles of various herbs to the omelettes. I dunno what he's doing, but he obviously puts more thought into his food than I do. My usual fare is pasta, or rice from the rice cooker. Easy as pie. Actually, easier – pie takes work.

Soon there are two giant, steaming omelettes on plates and I'm helping myself to a serving of ketchup on top. Sasuke tidies up the counter where he was cooking, then joins me on another stool.

"This is fucking amazing," I tell him, once I've swallowed my first mouthful. "Like, god, restaurants can't do this."

"I appreciate the comparison," he says with a smile. He eats more slowly than I do, cutting his omelette into bits with the side of his fork, blowing on the hot food before putting it in his mouth, and actually taking the time to chew. I'm too hungry to even bother, and in minutes my plate's cleared.

"You were really that hungry?" asks Sasuke; he's only halfway through his.

"The last thing I ate was half a slice of toast," I reply. "I dropped the other half on my way into uni."

"Classic." He takes another bite. I watch him as he eats, one elbow on the counter, slouching slightly. He's gazing absentmindedly out the window into the courtyard, where a group is out doing a barbeque at the picnic tables. His eyelashes meet briefly as he blinks. God. His eyelashes are so long and fine. You know how cartoons always give girls really long eyelashes, as a visual gender thing? Yeah, well, the prettiest eyelashes I've ever seen have always been on guys. Sasuke has a very distinctive face. He'd look good on stage, I think. He doesn't emote like an actor, though – too subtle. As an actor, he might not be that good, but he'd have stage presence and he'd definitely make girls swoon. You can teach acting, and you can shape a face with make-up to some degree, but Sasuke's already a level of stunning most people could only dream of achieving.

"Earth to Fishcakes."

I blink, then realize he's waving his hand in front of my face. "Wh—Oh. Sorry. You were saying?"

He smirks. "I wasn't saying anything. You just seemed lost in thought. It looked like hard work, so I thought I'd help you find your way back home."

"Uh  _huh_." I roll my eyes. "Are you seriously going to keep calling me that?"

"Fishcakes? Of course. It's too adorkable to pass up, and it suits you perfectly."

"Did you just call me adorable?"

"A _dork_ able," he corrects me, with a knowing smile.

"Whatever." But I'm smiling too. It's ridiculous, that smug little look of his, but fuck is it ever sexy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fish paste actually tastes pretty terrible. Every time I see it at the store I want to buy it and then I realize it's a bad idea because ew. Fishcakes are something else entirely if you Google image search them) but it's too ador(k)able a nickname to pass up. A quick thanks to ww for the inspiration. :)
> 
> Also, I've realized that Sasuke in L.U.S.T. has a bit of adorbs!Sasuke in him. Uh, maybe I should explain. For those of you who haven't heard (I only know because of tumblr), the new Naruto movie that's out this summer, Road to Ninja, is an AU in which half the characters are opposites of their canon selves. Sasuke is this ridiculous gangsta flirt. It's hilarious. We all love him. We're calling him adorbs!Sasuke. I do have a tendency to enjoy writing Sasuke as a bit of a flirt, though. He's just too antisocial in canon! I do plan to try to watch Naruto this summer (all of it… oh god, wish me luck) so I'll probably get a better grasp on what his canon self is, because it's been too long and my image of him has been warped by years of fanfiction writing and only the weekly manga chapters to check in on canon characterization.
> 
> R+F


	5. Right Here

When Sasuke’s done eating, he piles all the dirty dishes and stuff neatly in what little empty space exists next to the sink. The rest is filled up with other people’s stuff, some of it obviously several days old. I’m counting myself lucky for having fairly tidy housemates.

“D’you want me to help you wash up?” I ask as Sasuke puts the ketchup in the fridge. I feel kinda bad for just sitting around spacing out while he ate alone. It’d be the least I could do.

“It’s fine. I’ll sort it later. We’d better clear out before someone else commandeers the kitchen; there isn’t really room for more than three people, and Riku and Yumi always cook together.”

“Well, we can always come back in a bit,” I suggest. I follow Sasuke out of the kitchen and back to his room. Suigetsu shouts something down the hallway but Sasuke ignores him, and I figure it’s best just to follow suit. I bet he’s glad he doesn’t share a kitchen with those guys. He seems to consider them annoying, but I haven’t heard about any other friends he might have. For now, they’re the only ones I can go to if I’m seeking out a bit of information on this guy.

When we’re back in his room and he’s locked the door again, Sasuke tosses himself on the bed, heaving a deep sigh. “Food always makes me sleepy.”

I smile and sit back on the edge of the bed like before. “I take it you don’t have homework?”

“It can be done tomorrow.” He rolls onto his side and meets my eyes, and for a moment he just looks at me, face unreadable. His hand, lying next to the pillow, is really close to mine. I could just stretch my pinky out and touch his.

“Looks like you picked the wrong day to invite me over,” I say with some humour. “Honestly, if you’re that tired I can go.”

“Like I’m letting you dine and dash,” he scoffs. “I haven’t even gotten your number yet; how am I supposed to make sure you pay me back for coffee?”

“Hm. Well, my loan’s _still_ not through, so it won’t be today.” I glance over to his desk and spot a pad of sticky notes. I go over and take one, borrow a pen, and scrawl down my cell number. Then I go back to the bed and stick the note on his forehead. “There you go.”

“Thanks.” He peels the note off his face, folds the sticky part down, and tucks it into his pocket. “I’ll save it in my phone later.”

“I don’t know what more you want from me at this point. As much as I’d like to fuck you into your mattress, my body is off-limits.”

Sasuke frowns. I can see in his eyes that he wants to say something, but he’s holding it back, probably because he thinks it’s rude or insensitive. I really want to know what it is, though, because I get the feeling it would tell me exactly how he’s feeling at this moment. Finally he seems to come to a decision and asks, “What if I’m the one who wants to fuck _you_ into the mattress?”

Confused, I reply, “Well, that doesn’t change the fact that I can’t have sex with you. Anyway, I’m generally a topper.”

“Generally.” Sasuke props his head up in one hand, tapping the middle of his chest idly with the fingers of his other hand. My mind immediately goes, _Draw me like one of your French girls._ Damn those hips. “I remember you saying similarly at the ATM. So what does ‘generally’ mean? Can I get a ballpark percentage?”

“At this point, pretty much a hundred. I don’t bottom for Blue.”

“But you’ve bottomed in the past.”

“Well, sure. A pan’s gotta experiment.”

He raises an eyebrow. “You’re not keen on it?”

“It’s just… not me. Don’t get me wrong; it feels damn good, but… actually having a person fucking me doesn’t seem right. I mean, I’ve slept with good tops before, but they’re rare. There’s just something I lose a grasp of when I bottom and, I dunno, it turns me off.”

“Fair enough, I suppose,” Sasuke says. “Though I don’t think you should write it off entirely. You won’t bottom for Blue, but who’s to say everyone will fuck like him? Just ‘cause he’s called a sex god doesn’t mean he can cater to everyone’s every need. He’s only human, whatever the gossip says.”

“Do you even have the right to comment, considering you’ve never slept with him?” I ask, but not in defence of my position – Sasuke’s words hold a mote of truth. Blue feels good when I fuck him, but I have to do him a certain way. And, well, since I’m only in it for the sex, I miss out on other things. I’m as faithful as they come when it comes to actual relationships – although I have a tendency to miss fucking the other sex, it’s not like I’m about to cheat because of that if I care about a person – but Blue and I, as exclusive as we may be, aren’t anything more than fuck buddies. And I miss girls, and I miss variety. You know what they say about having only one thing for the rest of your life. I sigh, kick my shoes off, and put my feet up on the bed. “Anyway, it’s not a big deal. I can live with not bottoming, actually. I take it you’re a switcher?”

“It varies with time. But overall, I guess you could say so.”

I frown, confused. “You’re gonna have to explain that one to me.”

“Sometimes, over a longer period – say a few months – I prefer to top. And sometimes I prefer to bottom. So in the long run, yes, I’m a switcher, but if you ask at a given moment I might not be.”

“Right. That’s interesting,” I say sincerely. “So what’re you into lately, then?” I find it strange how easily I’m able to ask him these kinds of questions, how easily he responds. I mean, I know I feel more comfortable asking him _because_ I know it doesn’t make him feel awkward, but then I lived with Shikamaru for a year and I still don’t know this kind of stuff about him. Not that I’d necessarily want to, but y’know, in comparison to that, this ease with Sasuke makes no sense.

“I’ve bottomed almost exclusively for about a year now, but in the past couple of months it’s been more fifty-fifty.” He looks me in the eye and I notice his irises have turned dark, and maybe slightly reddish. It gives me the shivers, though not in an entirely unpleasant way. There’s a dangerous charge of energy around him, restless, though he still looks exhausted. My eyes trail down his back, the valley of his spine, the flat hill of his ass, back down his thighs and calves and his skinny ankles and his feet. I’ve taken a couple of life drawing courses in my time here, and I can’t say I’m much good at drawing but damn is it fun to trace the human body that way. With your eyes, with your pencil.

“So, about that massage?” I say.

“…Go on then,” he sighs, and lays his head down. “If you’re so desperate for an excuse to touch me, you may as well.”

“Heh. Can I get you to strip too? It’s just that your shirt’s gonna get in the way.”

He sits up. “I suppose making you undress me would be crossing some sort of line.”

“Yeah, probably,” I say regretfully. “We’re already cutting it fine as is.”

“A striptease it is, then.” He grabs the bottom of his shirt and slowly peels it off, gradually revealing prominent hip bones, a flat stomach, protruding ribs, dark nipples, a defined collarbone. Damn, he’s skinny. And yet, judging from the portions of tonight’s dinner, I’ll bet he practically eats his own weight in food every day. I am so fucking jealous.

Sasuke lies back down on his stomach on the bed. I stand next to the bed, rub my hands together to warm them up a little, and reach over to grasp Sasuke’s shoulders. Within moments, though, I can tell this isn’t going to work – being so high, the bed is at a bit of an awkward height for this. I try kneeling on the bed next to him, but it’s still hard being slightly to his side. And – let’s face it – I just really want an excuse to be on top of him. “Oh, fuck it,” I say, and swing one leg over him so that my knees are on either side of his hips. I ask, “You don’t mind, do you?”

“You’re giving me a massage. I’m not about to complain,” he replies.

“Good, ‘cause I don’t think I can hold my weight like this for too long.” I press the heels of my hands into his back and he exhales loudly, his eyes closing almost automatically, his brow relaxing.

“Mm… you may as well sit. I can take your weight.”

“Because that’s not gonna be awkward at all,” I mutter, but sit anyway. Of course, the way I’m positioned now, my crotch is right up against his ass and frankly I doubt either of us minds much. The only problem now will be trying not to wake Naruto Junior as Sasuke practically melts into a puddle under me. He could pop a stiffy and I’d never know, but I don’t get the same luxury. Anyway, I shouldn’t be getting aroused by this in the first place. It feels… unfaithful. I press into a knot in his muscles and he grunts, half in pain, half in relief. I feel heat bubbling in the pit of my stomach. I thought I knew what I was getting myself into, offering a massage. Turns out I had no idea.

“You’re really tense,” I say, and notice at once that my voice has dropped a couple of tones, lower and quieter now. “What do you do all the time to get knots like this?”

“I sit at a computer anywhere between eight and fifteen hours most days,” he mumbles in reply. “Left a bit – ngh. Yes. Right there.”

“Tease,” I hiss.

He just smirks. “Do it a little harder. Yeah… Naruto… Don’t stop. Give it to me, baby.”

I locate a particularly tough knot and grind my knuckles into it as punishment. He winces, but the sound that escapes him is still unmistakably a moan. There is no way he isn’t doing this at least partly on purpose. The smile playing at his lips tells me he’s enjoying himself immensely. His eyes open to meet mine, so dark that for a moment I wonder if he’s wearing contacts because those are not the eyes I saw yesterday at the ATM. I swallow hard, suddenly noticing how dry my throat suddenly is, and avert my gaze, fixing it instead on the smooth, pale, perfect skin of his back.

I push my thumbs under his shoulder blades, run my fingers hard down his spine, knead his back with my knuckles. Now and again he tells me to direct my focus somewhere – a bit higher, not so close to the side, circles instead of up and down. I don’t stop searching for the spot he wants until I get that breath of satisfaction.

…Ugh, even that sounds suspiciously sexual. It’s killing me how responsive he is. I’m trying really, really hard not to get aroused by it all, and eventually I have to stop or I might just rip off his pants and fuck him right in this position. I give his shoulders one last squeeze, then climb off him, go to the other side of the bed, and lean back against the wall near the footboard, heaving a sigh.

“That’s gonna have to be it,” I tell him. “Any more and I’ll be going home with a hard-on.”

“You could always work it off in the shower,” Sasuke suggests, though he can’t keep a straight face. “I’ll let you borrow mine if you want.”

“What, and jack off knowing you’re here listening to me?” Not to mention that it’s completely obvious what thoughts I’d be jacking off to.

“Who said I’d be listening?”

“I’m not exactly quiet,” I tell him.

He seems to like the sound of this. “I could put music on to drown you out, though not too loudly since it’s getting late. Wouldn’t want to disturb the dormmates.” He props himself up on his elbows and stretches, reminding me of a cat. “Mm. Whoever told you you’re good at massages wasn’t lying.”

“I’ll add you to my list of references.” I watch as his back arches, hands pressing into the mattress, ribs sticking out something awful, head tilted back with a look of bliss on his face. I can’t help imagining him pinned under me and trembling with pleasure. I quickly look away, trying to suppress the flush crawling up my neck.

“You know,” he says, “if Blue knew what was happening here he probably wouldn’t be very happy. A massage is all good and well, but given my inability not to be turned on by you—”

“Well that’s not something I can control, is it?” I retort at once, still refusing to look at him because I just know he’s sprawled on the bed in an utterly provocative pose _specifically_ to toy with me. “That massage was a bad idea after all.”

“What if we call it repayment for the dinner?”

I frown. “Then it starts to sound like you trying to take advantage of me sexually.”

“But it wasn’t like that.”

“No, but Blue doesn’t know that.” I roll my eyes. “Why am I even worrying about it? Blue doesn’t care what I do. It’s me who can’t deal with him sleeping around.”

Sasuke rolls onto his back to face me, one leg partly bent and leaning against the wall, the other stretched out, his foot near my arm. I finally steal a glance just because I’m curious as to whether or not he was actually hiding an erection this whole time. If he was, it’s gone now, so I guess I’ll never know. “So you just don’t want to be a hypocrite,” he says. “I think that’s worth something.”

“I’m glad you think so.”

“Is the sex really that good?”

“Pfft, yeah.” I let a grin creep onto my face as I remember the tone of his voice this morning. “He isn’t called a god for nothing.”

“And he’s willing to give up sleeping around to have sex with you. He must really like you.”

“You mean he likes my cock.”

“No feelings whatsoever?”

“Nope,” I say automatically, then think over it again. The way he holds me sometimes… but I expect he’s just clingy. He doesn’t date, but he’s gotta get his cuddles in somehow.

“And you don’t have feelings for him either.”

I shake my head. “I’m not even friends with him really. He’s – how do I put this? Well, he’s basically an asshole. Maybe that’s why I prefer topping. It gets me off, making that bastard beg.”

“Interesting,” says Sasuke vaguely. “Do you tell your kinks to everyone the day after you’ve met them, Naruto?”

I’m not sure I like the edge to his voice. “Of course not,” I say, as though to reassure him. “Not _everyone_ , anyway, but it’s happened. One-night stands, usually.”

“I thought you didn’t do ‘poly stuff’.”

“One-night stands aren’t poly. That’s me sleeping with someone now and again. I generally avoid repeats though.”

“Why’s that?”

I shrug. “It’s not like I sleep with someone once and then never again, it’s just – if I’m sleeping with one person for a while I don’t really want to sleep with someone else within that time frame, y’know what I mean? I don’t multitask.”

“Not even if they’re okay with it?”

“Evidently, or I’d shack with you right this second. Blue’s so far from not okay with it.”

“I can’t say I really get it,” Sasuke admits. “What if you just want to sleep with someone now and again, but don’t want to give up sleeping with someone else in the meantime? Isn’t it restricting?”

“Well I mean – it just bothers me, okay? Maybe it bothers me, thinking about someone I’ve slept with banging other people. I know they will and it’s not like I’m going to stop them, but I don’t really want to be a recurring part of that.”

“Not saying this is what it is,” he says, “but it almost sounds like you’re trying to sleep with as many people as possible, the way you avoid repeats.”

“I’m not! Why do you think I’m committed to Blue?”

“What if, hypothetically, you had a one-night stand with someone and never saw them again until you ran into each other years later? Would you sleep with them again, just once?”

“Probably? It’s never happened. Why are you asking me all this?” I say, getting a little frustrated. “I just – it starts to feel like a relationship, and then I remember they’ve been with other people since then and so have I and—”

I realize my voice has been rising in volume. I take a deep breath and force myself not to say anything else. I rest my elbow on my knee and my forehead in my hand, unable to look at Sasuke. Why can’t he understand? I get that some people are okay with open relationships. Maybe Sasuke’s one of them. If that’s his style, fine, but I can’t do it. I’ve tried and I just get really upset about it and…

I hear shuffling and the mattress shifts, and I jump when I realize Sasuke’s come right up to me. He reaches out and I flinch, but he simply threads his fingers into my hair and gently scratches my scalp. This is so weird and out of the blue that it takes me a moment to realize it’s an incredibly soothing sensation. My agitation clears at once, and my mind is instead filled with a peaceful lull.

“Sasuke… what…?”

“Is it working?” He smiles. “It’s a trick I learned from my mom. You seemed really upset, so… I thought it might be worth a shot.”

I can’t help smiling, partly due to the feeling spreading through my scalp right now. I lean into his touch. “That’s… really nice. Though it kind of gives me the shivers.”

“They’re good shivers.” Sasuke keeps it up for a little longer, then combs my hair back down and sits back. I find myself somewhat disappointed at the loss of contact, though I can’t say I feel seriously put out about it. I can’t feel put out about anything right now. It’s like he pulled all the tension out of me. “Sorry about asking you those questions. I didn’t realize it would upset you so much.”

“Oh, well… I probably shouldn’t have gotten so worked up about it,” I say. “I’ve had a bit of a crap day myself. But I do prefer actual relationships to one-night stands even if they’re short. Loyalty’s important to me.”

“And so it should be.” He smiles. “It’s a good thing.”

“I like to think so too.”

We fall silent. I’m still mulling over the topic, but I don’t really want to ruin the mood, so I don’t mention it again. I look at Sasuke, who notices and looks back at me. There’s a tranquil look in his eyes, which are back to the same clear grey as when I first met him, and his breathing is slow and steady. His thigh, I only notice now, is pressed against mine, warm and reassuring. And I realize that this feeling I’ve felt the entire time I’ve been with Sasuke is one I haven’t felt in nearly a year. I can feel an empty space in my heart being filled, that space I discovered not too long ago. The space neither my housemates nor Blue could fill.

“…Sasuke?” I whisper, all too loudly in the soundless room.

“Mm?”

“I have to be in class first thing in the morning,” I explain. “Can I camp here for the night?”

I think he knows what I’m asking for. Not sex or romance. Just… friendship, and companionship, and comfort.          

“Yeah,” he replies. “It’d be more convenient for you.”

“It would.” I heave a deep sigh and carefully lean my head against his shoulder. He leans his head on top of mine. We just stay like that, not saying anything, and I feel a contentment in my heart that says I’m right where I should be.


	6. Quoth the Raven

A gentle, repetitive noise finds its way into my mind, stirring me from unconsciousness with nothing but the trained notion that this sound means it’s time to be somewhere. It takes a while, but I eventually pinpoint the word _alarm_. My phone’s going off on the bedside table. I tap the big red snooze button and close my eyes again.

Only then do I feel the pair of arms wrapped around my middle, the chest pressed against my back, the legs tangled with mine. The sensation is so unfamiliar that I open my eyes again, doing a double-take as I realize the bedside table isn’t one I recognize.

“Mmn… morning,” mumbles a sleepy voice behind me.

Oh. Right.

The warning lights should’ve gone off from the beginning – though I’ve sometimes ended up spooning with Blue or Sakura or Sai, I’ve always been the big spoon, as it were. But there’s something disarmingly comforting about Sasuke holding me like this, nuzzling my hair with his nose, his thumb brushing my collarbone. It makes me want to sink into the mattress and just stay here all day.

“Another ten minutes,” I tell him, covering his hand with my own.

I’m so glad Sasuke convinced me I didn’t have to sleep on the floor last night. “I don’t have a sleeping bag anyway,” he said when I asked. “There’s enough space on my bed for the two of us, if we squish.”

“I am not opposed to squishing,” I told him.

And that was that.

Sasuke shifts in bed. “Snooze is for the weak. Get up.”

“Don’t wanna.” I grip his hands to stop him from leaving. He struggles a bit, then gives up and squeezes me tightly instead.

“My head isn’t pounding,” he says into the back of my neck, “so I take it I didn’t get black-out drunk and fuck you last night.”

“No sex was had,” I reply, my voice more disappointed than it has any right to be. I manage to turn over in his arms so that I’m facing him. He’s smiling, his nose inches away from mine. I can’t help returning the smile.

“I can’t say I’m particularly well-versed in sleeping with someone I didn’t actually sleep with,” Sasuke says, “but it’s not bad.”

“Pff, understatement of the year. The only way it would be better is if we actually had slept together.” I sigh, because this is reminding me how by all rights I shouldn’t be in this man’s bed, in his arms, gazing into his eyes with a dumb smile on my face. There’s nothing I can do about the fact that we woke up snuggled against each other – we were definitely apart when we went to bed, though I guess maybe Sasuke could have grabbed me in the middle of the night – but now that I’m awake I don’t really have any excuses. I think of Blue and guilt lances through me. Sasuke seems to notice my tension and lets me go, and I sit up.

“What do you want for breakfast?” he asks as I swing my legs out of bed. He makes to get up as well, but I put a hand on his shoulder and push him back.

“I don’t need anything,” I tell him. “Go back to bed. Sorry about waking you.”

“I was planning on having an early start anyway. You should eat.” But he stays where he is for a little longer. I could get used to that sight. He looks so comfortable, so… _cute_. I never imagined I’d use that word to describe Sasuke, but I can see his form curled up with the duvet all tucked in around him and it just makes me want to sit next to him and stroke his hair and watch him fall asleep. I can’t help it; I reach out and brush his bangs from his eyes, and the corners of his mouth turn upwards. What am I doing?

“You already fed me dinner,” I say. “I’ll be fine. I skip breakfast a lot anyway. I have to catch the bus every day, so I’m usually out the door ten minutes after waking.”

“How do you get through the morning?” he asks, incredulous.

“Breakfast is for the weak.”

“You’ll be weak if you don’t eat breakfast.” He finally sits up, yawning. His hair’s all over the place. It’s adorable. “Come on. I’ll make you eggs and bacon.”

I can’t hide the way my entire day brightens. “Fuck yes. Consider me converted.”

He chuckles and gently pushes me out of the way to reach his drawers. “You might consider putting some clothes on first, hm? It’s too early to knock out half the dorm with the sight of your mostly naked body.”

“Oh, let them swoon,” I say, but grab my clothes off his chair. I’m used to sleeping in my boxers, and sleeping in my day clothes would’ve been annoying anyway. Sasuke said he didn’t mind, except for the fact that it’d make it hard for us not to get it on. He was right – he sleeps in his underwear too – but we managed. Somehow. I have to say that Sasuke’s ass looks great in briefs. So does his package, while we’re on the subject. His crotch could model for Calvin Klein. Hot damn. I’m sad to see it get tucked away into a pair of skinny jeans that definitely don’t look like they have enough room for that kind of a deal.

“I swear, the fact that I can’t ravish you right now is the biggest travesty that ever was,” I say as I pull on my own jeans. “Your body is taunting me. It’s not fair.”

“Trust me, having you in my room overnight and not being able to fuck you is travesty enough.” He goes into his drawers and selects a V-neck argyle vest to go over a casual white dress shirt tucked into his jeans. He frowns at the mirror. “Too geeky?”

“You can’t ask me that; you’d look good in anything. And I love a man in argyle.” Once again succumbing to temptation, I go up behind him and reach around to tug down the hem of the vest, my knuckles brushing against the fabric of his jeans. When he leans back a little to close the gap between us, though, I come to my senses and carefully step back. I meet his eyes in the mirror; he seems to be somewhere between confusion and disappointment. I don’t know what to tell him, except maybe sorry.

“Well, if that’s your verdict, it’ll do just fine,” he finally says. “Come on, hurry up and get dressed.”

“Yes, _mom_.” I pull on my shirt and give my hair a shake, then check myself in Sasuke’s mirror. It doesn’t look much different than it did upon waking, but then it doesn’t look much different from yesterday either. Some people spend ages in front of a mirror with a ton of gel trying to get a just-rolled-out-of-bed look to work in public. Mine just _does_. “It’ll do,” I declare.

“Oh yes,” says Sasuke, “that definitely says ‘I just had the best fuck of my life.’ Time to go parade your sex hair.”

“My hair is always like this.”

“Well, if I’m to take your word for it, every time you’ve fucked in the past little while has been the best fuck of your life.”

“True enough. What about you? Your ducktail’s looking a little ruffled.”

He snorts. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me.” I reach out and run my fingers through his hair, combing it back, where it naturally flicks back into his usual style, if a little wonky. I definitely thought he’d styled the look himself with hair gel, but it would seem it’s natural. That explains why his hair didn’t look like there was any product in it. “If it’s any consolation, the duck-butt look really works for you.”

“Actually that sounds more like a backhanded compliment,” he says, though his voice is soft.

“I guess it does a bit. But I mean it in a good way.” I spend a moment smoothing out a kinked section of his hair with my fingers, not missing the look of comfort on his face at my actions. “There you go, little duckling.”

“I’m not a duckling,” he says noncommittally. “You’re closer in colour.”

“Actually, Indian runner ducks can be black. We once had this adorable little guy – he was all black except for gold patches on his head and chest. Then he grew up and we ate him,” I finish, somewhat quietly.

Sasuke obviously doesn’t know what to say to that. “Uh… is this a regular thing?”

“Oh, yeah. I forgot to tell you, didn’t I? My parents live out in the country, so we keep some animals around. Fresh meat is so much better than what you get at the grocery store.”

“Right, that makes a lot more sense. Unfortunately the bacon and eggs I have are not fresh off the pig’s back and out the chicken’s ass, as it were, but they’ll have to do.” He traipses into the bathroom and hands me the toothbrush he lent me yesterday. There’s a couple minutes of silence as we brush our teeth, then take turns at the sink. While I’m rinsing out my mouth, Sasuke laces up a pair of navy Converse. I jam on my own worn-down trainers and we head out of his room.

The kitchen is no better today than it was yesterday. I did manage to convince Sasuke to let me help him wash up our stuff last night, but the rest is as awful as what I’m assuming is usual. I fill the kettle while Sasuke sets up at the stove, then, as he cooks, I sit at the counter and we chat. I haven’t had a proper cooked breakfast in _ages_. When the kettle’s done I hop of the stool to snoop through Sasuke’s cupboard.

“I’m assuming you want coffee?” I ask, finding instant coffee and several varieties of tea.

“Yeah. Help yourself to whatever.”

“Don’t mind if I do. You don’t have hot chocolate?”

He shakes his head. “Can’t say I’m a huge fan.”

“Aw, man. Now you’ve gone and ruined breakfast.”

I pull out the coffee, a teabag and a couple of mugs, then glance over to see that Sasuke’s looking at me with an almost hurt look on his face.

“I – I was just kidding!” I say quickly. “You didn’t think I was being serious?”

“No, of course not.” He smiles, but it doesn’t quite erase the expression in his eyes. I find myself feeling guilty and distressed, worried that I’d genuinely offended him. I mean, it’d be a stupid thing to get offended over; I don’t think Sasuke’s that kind of guy and I doubt he thought I meant it, but it still concerns me almost irrationally that I might have gone and said something stupid to make him think I don’t appreciate him making me food.

“Sorry,” I say quietly. “I didn’t mean to – I mean, you’re cooking for me for the second time now; I shouldn’t be saying anything at all. It was insensitive of me.”

I busy myself making our drinks in the silence that follows, finding milk and sugar to add to my tea and about to ask Sasuke how he wants his coffee before remembering he takes it black. I leave his mug on the counter for him and sit back in my stool, nursing my tea, feeling dumb. I just had to go and make a stupid joke and ruin the mood, didn’t I? If anyone’s ruined breakfast, it’s me. I should just leave before it gets any worse.

“Hey.”

I look up just in time to get poked in the forehead. “Ow.”

“Stop looking so much like an abandoned puppy. I already took you home and fed you; you have no right to be like that.” He slides a plate full of food onto the counter in front of me. “Come on, chin up and eat up.”

I have to smile. “Thanks, Sasuke.”

“And thank you for the coffee.” He sits next to me and takes a long swig. I feel his knee press reassuringly against mine under the counter, and I press back, grateful for this connection beyond words.

We’re allowed about two minutes of actual companionable silence as we eat before we hear someone tear up the hall. I glance sideways at the door to see a familiar face peek through the window in it, then it opens and Suigetsu pokes his head in, all sharp teeth and knowing grins.

“Good _moooor_ ning,” he croons, staring straight at me. I actually back up a little in my seat.

“Morning, Suigetsu,” Sasuke replies in a completely normal tone of voice. It’s clear that this is meant to deter Suigetsu from any stupid shenanigans, but I’m willing to bet Suigetsu’s developed an immunity to it. Sasuke nudges my knee gently again and I immediately feel reassured.

“Fancy seeing you here, Naruto,” Suigetsu comments, pushing the kitchen door fully open and leaning against it. “I was kinda surprised. Karin camped in the hall for ages waiting for you to leave and you never did, but I figured you knew or something and you’d sneak out as soon as she was gone.”

“Karin’s a creep,” I say with a roll of my eyes. “She was probably listening for the sound of Sasuke’s bed creaking.”

“ _Rhythmically_ ,” Suigetsu adds, “yes. She’s a creep, but she’s also an idiot for mentioning it last night. You guys didn’t do it on the bed, did you? Foiled her with your wit and cunning. Or maybe just your creativity. After all, the bed’s the most boring place to get it on.”

“For your information, Suigetsu, we did not have sex,” says Sasuke, as calmly as ever, though there’s a tension in his leg pressed against mine now. “He made it clear that he’s in a committed… relationship, as it were… and I’m not going to breach that any more than he is.”

“What, so you just kicked Naruto onto the floor like some stray dog you brought in?”

“Can people stop making dog analogies about me?” I say, because I’m not yet ready to admit to anyone, let alone Suigetsu, that I slept in Sasuke’s bed with him. “Not that I particularly mind, but dogs have always been Kiba’s thing. It just feels weird.”

“Go back to your own kitchen, Suigetsu,” Sasuke says. “It’s too early in the morning for your obnoxious voice.”

“Pff, fine. I’ll just let Karin know that Naruto prefers it anywhere but the bed. On the desk, or in the shower, or…”

“Stop fantasizing about us and get _out_.” Sasuke makes to stand up, but a look of terror flashes on Suigetsu’s face and he’s gone before Sasuke’s feet hit the floor. Sasuke looks relieved at this. “Thank goodness he has some sense of fear.”

“Yeah, he seemed pretty frightened considering he has the balls to taunt you about your sex life. What’re you gonna do about it?”

“Part of me wants to say Suigetsu won’t tell Karin due to fear of my wrath, but then I know those two are thick as thieves. And Karin’s something of a fan of gossip…” He frowns. “Is this going to damage your relationship with Blue?”

“What, if he hears a rumour about me sleeping with someone? Probably.”

Sasuke sighs and pulls his stool closer to mine before sitting back down. I hook my foot around his, not feeling guilty so much as… feeling guilty _about_ not feeling guilty, if that makes any sense. Like I know I shouldn’t be doing this, know I shouldn’t be as comfortable as I am. But Sasuke’s presence is so reassuring that it manages to erase even that.

“I’ll talk to them,” Sasuke says. “I can’t promise anything, but I think I have a fair amount of influence over them.”

“You don’t have to,” I tell him. In fact, I’m almost hoping he doesn’t, hoping Karin will destroy my relationship with Blue so that I don’t have to. But then Sasuke’s probably got some sort of reputation to uphold too, and I don’t want to be labelled as a cheater. News and judgment spread fast among the actors; if one person gets wind of it…

Sasuke insists, “They shouldn’t be concerned with our sex lives anyway. Or the illusion thereof.”

“Pff, don’t remind me.” I sigh. “Everything could be so easy.”

“Mm.” Sasuke is gazing out the window, where a magpie hops along in the grass pecking for food. “If only, if only.”

“Wrong bird. You’ll want a woodpecker.”

“Fine. One for sorrow?”

“Two for joy,” I correct him, pointing. Another magpie has come to join the first in foraging. I stuff the last of my breakfast into my mouth and down it with the remainder of my tea. “Let’s hope for the best.”

“Were it 11:11, I know what I’d be wishing for.” He grabs my plate and mug to bring to the sinkside counter, then glances at the clock on the wall. “But alas, it is only a quarter past nine.”

“Already?” I check my phone. Its clock matches the kitchen’s. “I’d better get going.”

“Want me to walk you to class?” he asks, somewhat jokingly, as we head back to his room so I can grab my bag.

“I wouldn’t mind that, actually.” I meet his eyes and can’t help a smile. As casual as our new friendship already is, neither of us seems to really want to leave the other anytime soon. At least I don’t, and it’s the vibe I’m getting from him too.

Once I have my stuff, Sasuke locks up and we head back out onto campus. It’s pretty cold today, especially so early in the morning; I zip my coat all the way up and stuff my hands in my pockets. It’s the kind of day where I wish I had someone to snuggle with while I’m outside, someone whose pockets I could stick my hands in so that we could share the heat of our hands together. As it were I’ll have to settle for cuddling up on the couch with Sakura and Sai when I get home, or maybe we’ll all hop under the covers together at bedtime. One thing’s for certain – nights when I sleep alone in a bed are rare. And for that I’m glad; sleeping without a body next to mine feels wrong now. Interestingly, sleeping next to Sasuke felt even more right than usual, even though I’m not used to being the little spoon.

“So, Naruto,” says Sasuke, his breath forming clouds in the air, “I don’t suppose I’ll get the honour of meeting the Blue God, will I?”

“Wh—” This catches me off guard. I didn’t even consider that Blue might be there, that he might meet Sasuke. If he did, what would the chances be of him figuring out that something was up between us? “Uh, I think that might not be the best idea.”

“Hmm.” Sasuke watches my eyes carefully, and I know he’s trying to read me, trying to figure out why I’d say that.

“I mean, it’s not like I can stop you or anything,” I go on. “If you happen to run into him on campus one day, or whatever. He’s not exactly hard to miss. But…”

“No, I get it.” He smiles. “If it makes you feel better, I’ll avoid initiating anything. But if he talks to me—”

“Then by all means don’t ignore him,” I say, feeling dumb for even caring. I stop in front of the doors into the studio. This shouldn’t be a problem. Blue knows a lot of my friends, and that’s what Sasuke is. A new friend. A new friend I desperately want to fuck, but he shouldn’t be seen any differently than anyone else. I mean, let’s face it, I wanna fuck my housemates too. Just… God, why is this so hard? I sigh, scratch the back of my head. “Look. I’m just making this difficult. You can meet him if you want—”

“But is it what _you_ want?”

“What I want doesn’t matter.”

“Sure it does.” He reaches out and tucks a stray lock of hair behind my ear, and the look in his eyes makes my heart jump. “It matters to me. I’ll do what I can.”

“Sasuke…”

His smile turns wistful. “Don’t say my name like that,” he murmurs.

“Then don’t—” My brow furrows and I look away. I can’t do this – I can’t let myself feel this way. “Never mind. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Naruto?” There’s concern, and maybe even a little hurt, in his voice. I can’t stand it.

I take a deep breath and think about Blue, about the fact that I’m in a relationship. I let the guilt hit me and I cling to it. It’s what keeps me at arm’s length from Sasuke. I will not do this.

“Sorry,” I say to him, and my voice is thankfully calm and casual. Feeling more in control, I turn and smile. I won’t let the look in his eyes break my defences. “It’s just that for a second there, I thought you might’ve fallen victim to my infinite charisma.”

I am so, so thankful he snorts with laughter at this. Thankful he finds it absurd and not endearing – or at least, that’s what he’s pretending. It’s what I’m pretending, but I can’t do this alone.

“How could I have forgotten about that razor-sharp wit of yours?” he says with an amused roll of his eyes.

“I like to give the wit a rest now and then. There’s only so much I can produce at once before I have to recharge.”

“Now that definitely sounds like a euphemism.” He smirks. “I’d heard the Orange Lightning has the endurance to match his aforementioned charisma.”

“You’ve not heard wrong,” I grin. Yes, I’m much more comfortable with the banter and innuendos. We’ve already come to the agreement that we both want to fuck the living daylights out of each other, and that this isn’t currently possible. And we both know we enjoy each other’s company and have each found a friend in the other. Any more than that finds itself on new, shaky ground that I’m not quite ready to tread yet.

A couple of fellow actors nod hello to me as they head into the studio. I smile back. “I should probably get going,” I tell Sasuke. “No need to keep you here in the cold any longer.”

“I don’t mind,” he says. “The cold doesn’t bother me much. If you don’t like it, though—”

“Well, I’m not a fan, but I can stand a bit of a chill,” I say. Truth is, I just don’t want to part ways. As conflicted as I’m feeling right now, as much as I think I need time to myself to think this through, I just don’t want to be out of Sasuke’s company.

He seems to understand, however. “I do have your number now,” he reminds me. “I’ll call you sometime.”

I’m doubtful about this – calling seems dangerously intimate. I don’t talk on the phone much, I guess. I wouldn’t mind hearing Sasuke’s voice, though. “I have class all day, but I can text at breaks,” I offer. Texting is much more manageable.

“Sure. And remember, you still owe me a coffee.”

“So I do,” I say with a smile. This makes me feel better about parting – it’s a promise that we’ll see each other again. “I expect you’ll chase me down until I pay you back for that, won’t you?”

“You can count on it.” He glances sideways, where a scrawny-looking raven has landed on a bench and is croaking mournfully. “Just ask the raven.”

I look from the bird to Sasuke, who’s sweeping raven-black hair from his face. “Oh, I know this one.” I clear my throat, put myself in the scholar’s shoes, and recite: “ _Other friends have flown before. On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before._ ”

“ _Then the bird said, ‘Nevermore.’_ ” Sasuke smiles. “You aren’t getting rid of me so easily.”

“I doubt that one can talk,” I say.

“No, but they can certainly learn. Perhaps we ought to teach it.”

“Why bother? I’ve got a raven right here who’s perfectly capable of composing complete sentences, let alone the word ‘nevermore.’ ”

Sasuke raises an eyebrow. “I thought you said I was a duckling. I can’t be both.”

“Hmm.” I look back to the raven on the bench, who caws one more time before taking flight. “Fine. You can be the duckling.”

“Sounds good to me. I’ll be heading off, then,” he says. “I’ll text you. See you later, Fishcakes.”

“Bye, Little Duckling.”


	7. Chapter 7

The smile on Sasuke’s face is irresistible as he turns and heads back across campus. I know my face is split in a dumb grin of my own, but I can’t bring myself to tear my eyes away from his back. I feel like I could withstand anything today.

“Who was that?”

I whip around, startled by a familiar voice, and end up face to face with Blue.

“Oh. Morning,” I say. Blue doesn’t look angry or even confused, just a little curious. “Friend of mine.”

“He’s got a cute butt,” Blue says, staring over my shoulder. A flame of annoyance lights in my chest at this, but I say nothing. Then his eyes return to me. “It’s cold. Should we go inside?”

I don’t reply verbally, instead heading for the door, letting Blue follow along behind. Blue will be a test of my mood. We’ll see if the lingering happiness of spending the night with Sasuke can keep the irritation from Blue’s presence at bay.

Thinking about it, though, it’s not much of a challenge. I have to deal with Blue almost every day; I’ve gotten used to it, so it’s no longer something that drags me down. Otherwise I’d probably have depression by now. Though come to think of it, it’s been so long since I’ve had a genuinely good day on a day where I’ve had to interact with him. Any day I’m around him caps on the enjoyability metre at “not bad,” sex aside – except for yesterday and the day before, which were both days when I saw Sasuke.

We’re early; class isn’t due to start for another ten minutes. Probably Blue showed up at this time ‘cause he knows it’s when my bus gets in. Dunno why, to be honest, because he knows I don’t like socializing with him and generally leaves me alone. Even now, as we enter the studio, all he does is kiss me on the cheek before heading off to hang out with his usual group of friends. None of my gang is here yet, so I drop off my bag by the wall and go sit by the window where we usually hang out.

My text tone goes off in my pocket and my thoughts immediately jump to Sasuke. He wouldn’t already be texting me, would he? He said he’d text me at the break. Most courses seem to have breaks at the same time, to my knowledge, so he’d know when I get off. Who else could it be? Blue’s here, too busy talking obnoxiously to use his phone. Sakura’s got the day off; Sai doesn’t have a scheduled class but will want to use his studio so he’ll probably sleep in. Oh, I know – it’s probably Kiba. He and I sometimes chat first thing in the morning. I’m just being dumb. There’s no way it’d be Sasuke already.

I pull out my phone. To my surprise, the text from a number I don’t know: _Hey, Fishcakes. You alone?_

My heart jumps. That can’t be anyone else. Quickly I type back, _For now. Why?_ While I wait for an answer I save Sasuke’s number in my contacts under the name _Little Duckling_. I don’t know why; I’m usually pretty strict about my contact list, but I like the nickname too much to pass it up. A little notification pops up along with a buzz and a noise, and I quickly go back to read the new message.

_My bed still smells like you. Just thought I’d let you know._

This makes me smile again, though if anyone saw that message it’d be pretty incriminating. I’m glad he asked first. My friends have a tendency to read over my shoulder. I glance around to see whether anyone’s going to join me, then reply, _I appreciate the sentiment. I probably have your smell all over me too._

_I’m liking the sound of that._

_You would._

_Would it be crossing a line to tell you I just want to lie here and jack off to your smell?_

_YES,_ I send at once, then follow up with, _Maybe. I can’t stop you but it’d be pretty unfair._

_I should call you and say dirty things while I masturbate. I can’t really type with one hand. Anyway I know you want to hear me get off._

_Does that thought turn you on?_

_You have no idea._

_Oh, I do. But I’d rather not get a boner in the studio. You’re gonna have to go it solo._

_Isn’t that what I’m doing already?_

_Shhhhh._

I hear a familiar voice call my name and glance up. Kiba tosses his bag next to mine and comes to join me. “Hey,” I say, and send to Sasuke, _Audience alert._

“What’s up?” asks Kiba. “Who you texting?”

“Just Sai,” I say, discreetly angling the screen away from Kiba. He doesn’t usually actively try to read my texts, but if the screen’s within visibility he won’t stop himself. “What’s up?”

“Me, unfortunately. Much rather be sleeping.” As though to demonstrate, he yawns. “Oh man, I had this wicked dream last night…”

Kiba recounts a series of surreal adventures while I await Sasuke’s reply. Honestly I’m not listening too hard to what Kiba’s saying; I keep my mind in the conversation just enough to avoid saying anything stupid and direct most of my attention towards my phone. Sasuke’s replied: _Right. Well you’d better wipe this conversation from your phone. Talk to you later Fishcakes._

 _See ya Duckbutt,_ I send.

“…And then Sakura punched me in the balls—”

I blink. “Wait, what?”

“Except it didn’t hurt, right? It was really fucking weird, but I’m not gonna complain,” Kiba says with a shrug.

“Slow the fuck down, Kiba. When did this happen?”

“In my dream, like I said! Weren’t you listening?”

“Oh. I guess not. Sorry.” I turn to my phone, but I haven’t gotten any more messages, so I lock it and slip it in my pocket. “You were saying?”

He raises an eyebrow. “You okay? You seem really out of it.”

“It’s nothing, just… didn’t get much sleep last night.” It’s partly true – Sasuke and I were up ‘til about two in the morning just lying in his bed talking. I don’t function nearly as well on seven and a half hours as I do on eight; six is definitely not enough for me. “The teach is here. We’d better get started.”

We spend the morning doing voice exercises and the afternoon in singing class. I love voice days; I’m pretty good at projecting my voice and being expressive. Gotta work on my enunciation, though. Sometimes I mumble or trip over my own words when I’m nervous. Or just whenever. I text Sasuke during breaks and at lunch, and call him after I get home and shut myself in my room.

“Hey, Duckbutt,” I say, once he picks up.

“Oh, it’s the Fishcake ninja.” His words are dismissive, but he sounds genuinely happy to hear from me. “How was your day?”

“Fine. We did voice exercises.”

“Explains why you sound a bit hoarse,” Sasuke says. “I was about to ask if you were coming down with something.”

“Nah. What about you?”

“I just got over the flu last week; my immune system should keep me going for at least a month.”

“I meant your day, idiot.”

“I lay in bed until it stopped smelling like you and then I did some work.”

“You didn’t actually get off on my smell, did you?” I ask incredulously.

“I don’t believe this is an appropriate topic of conversation,” he says in a way that obviously means yes.

I laugh. “I can’t believe you. You’re… I dunno, Sasuke. Just _you_. You’re fucking amazing.”

“I try,” he says, mirth in his voice.

We talk until the free evening minutes of Sasuke’s phone plan are up, then text the rest of the night. The next day I don’t have class, so I just lounge around at home, doing a bit of reading, getting some homework done. I go to the gym. I do my laundry. I get my ass handed to me in Super Smash Bros by Sakura. An all-around productive day, but my mind’s still on Sasuke. The whole weekend continues like that: I chat with him through texts, as well as on Skype’s instant messaging system, and it’s interesting enough to get me through the various chores I have to deal with. We banter about visiting each other, but it never happens – I don’t have any business on campus or anywhere near it, and there’s literally nothing to be done out by Terra Park if you’re not going to someone’s house. Somehow we just get too caught up doing our own stuff to hang out. But on Sunday night, we make a promise to meet up at some point on Monday. _It’s a date then,_ he texts, and I can’t help but smile.

Class on Monday is improv, meaning that besides the voice and body warm-ups, practice is pretty demanding. There’s no room in my mind to be distracted by thoughts of Sasuke. There’s no time to stop and consider – you just have to do what you’re told, respond to what your team’s been given. You can never stop thinking. It can be stressful, but it’s also exhilarating. I’ve always been a pretty spontaneous sort of person anyway. There’s a strange push-and-pull of time, a sense that you don’t have enough time to really come up with what you need to act out a scenario, but you’re thinking so fast that suddenly we’ve gone right through break to lunch and I didn’t even notice.

I head right for my phone while everyone else lines up at the water dispenser to rehydrate. Besides a text from a friend asking if I’m on campus for lunch, the only message I have is from Sasuke about an hour ago wondering whether I forgot about him completely since I didn’t text him at break when I said I would. I feel a little guilty at this – I did think about it briefly when I realized we were running into break time, but then I completely forgot because I was too busy trying to improvise being an ostrich on an airplane. I put on my coat, grab my bag, and exit the studio, wanting to call Sasuke but preferring to go outside to talk. I’m walking across the grounds and writing a text to Sasuke when someone latches onto my arm.

“Hey, babe,” comes a sing-song voice. I sigh and shake Blue off, but he falls in step as I walk. “You doing anything for lunch?”

“Yeah, actually,” I say with a frown. “I’m meeting someone.”

“Don’t suppose you have time for a quickie before—”

But I shake my head. “We used the last condom in the bathroom stall last week, remember?”

“Hmm, yeah. I could run to the shop for more.” His hand slides up my arm and across my back, sending shivers down my spine. “I’ll meet you at the studio ten minutes before the end of lunch?”

“Sure,” I say, without much enthusiasm.

Blue jumps in front of me and grabs my shoulders before pulling me into a fierce kiss, immediately wiping my mind of all thought. By the time I can figure out what’s going on, I have my arms wrapped tightly around his torso and I’m dominating the kiss, nipping at his lips and sucking on his tongue. It takes me some effort to separate myself from him, panting, buzzing with desire. The smile that appears on his face is satisfied, seductive.

“See you later then, sexy,” he says, and heads off.

I stare at his ass for a while, then sigh. Already I’m mentally preparing for the promised quickie; it takes me a moment to remember what I was doing before Blue interrupted me. Right, texting Sasuke. Another little pang of guilt hits my chest. Somehow Blue and Sasuke don’t sit well together in my mind. I sigh and finish my text: _Sorry about that, we ended up not getting a break at all. You free for lunch?_

It’s a moment before I get a reply. _Sure am. Meet in the cafeteria?_

 _Deal._ I lock my phone and head for the caf.

It isn’t until I’m sitting at a table waiting for Sasuke that I remember my friend’s text from before. And even then it doesn’t cross my mind until I see a flash of fluffy, reddish-brown hair coming towards me. Before I can make up my mind about whether to say hi or try to avoid being seen, I hear another familiar voice behind me: “Hey, Naruto.”

I turn and smile. “Shiroi. Hey.” Well, there goes my escape plan.

“This seat taken?” he asks, pointing at the one beside me.

“Nope.”

“Well it is now!” Takeshi appears out of nowhere, hip-checks Shiroi, and plants himself in the chair. He puts down his tray of food and grins at me. “You didn’t answer my text, so I thought you weren’t gonna be around.”

“Yeah, got a bit caught up,” I reply as Shiroi takes the seat across from me. “I’m actually already meeting another friend for lunch—”

“Traitor!” Takeshi gasps at once.

“—but I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if you joined us,” I finish. “You’re awfully perky today, aren’t you? What, did you get laid or something?”

Shiroi chokes on a mouthful of food. Takeshi, alarmed, offers him his water bottle, which he takes gratefully.

I’m dumbfounded. “What, really?”

“You’re _good_ ,” Takeshi says, eyeing me suspiciously.

“I was kidding!” Takeshi and Shiroi have been best friends since before they could walk, dating since middle school. But thanks to some… ah… mistakes they made in the past, they’ve generally stayed away from intercourse. I know they’ve been a lot more comfortable about it since I first met them during frosh week, but they constantly have to explain to new friends that no, they don’t actually fuck each other. I’ve always admired their refusal to give in to peer pressure; I’m sure that when they made the decision, it was on their own terms. “I don’t know what to say. Congrats, I guess?”

“That’s it?” Takeshi says, though he’s still beaming. “No ‘it’s about time, you wusses’? No needling us for details on who topped?”

I am curious, honestly, but I figured I’d wait for them to tell me instead of trying to pressure them. I can’t actually tell what the answer is. I don’t want to take any hints from their attitudes – Takeshi’s always been pretty confident about himself no matter what the situation, while Shiroi tends to embarrass easily about this kind of thing – but then I know Takeshi came out the worse of them when they had a go the first time. That doesn’t necessarily mean anything, though. “Well if you want to share…” I say.

“When’s your friend showing up?” asks Shiroi pointedly. His cheeks are beet red, his eyes fixed on his food.

“Right about now,” says a voice behind me. I look up. Sure enough, it’s Sasuke, all decked out in a sleek black waistcoat open over a casual button-down shirt and dark, fitted slacks. He notices me giving him the once-over and smirks. “Hey there.”

“Hey,” I say with a grin. One thing I love about gays is that they really know how to dress. “I just ran into these guys. This is Takeshi,” I say, pointing, then move on to Shiroi and continue, “and… this is also Takeshi.”

Shiroi laughs. “Takeshi and I spend a lot of time together, so most people call me Shiroi.”

Sasuke takes in Shiroi’s bleached hair. “Apt. Naruto, I don’t suppose you’re already done eating, are you?” he asks, taking in the empty space in front of me on the table.

“Nah, got distracted by these two goofs.” I get up. “We’ll be back in a bit.”

Sasuke and I head off towards the hot food line. I can hear the name twins giggling about something. I glance back at them, and Takeshi gives me a thumbs up. I roll my eyes and turn away.

“So you’ve deemed those two friends of yours fit for me to meet?” Sasuke asks calmly, humour in his eyes.

“Pff, you can meet anyone you want. I already said, I’m not stopping you.” I stick my hands in my pockets. I can’t stop staring at Sasuke. He looks so ridiculously good. Geeky, smart, casual – he’s managed it all so far. Somehow I feel like he’d be able to pull off pretty much any look. “Like I said, I just bumped into them. How was your morning?”

“I just got up,” he says. “You?”

“Pretty intense. Improv is always a mental workout, and we went right through break and everything. I can’t believe I have to go back this afternoon.”

“You could skip…” says Sasuke dubiously. “Spend the afternoon with me instead.”

“That’d be pretty great. I guess I could; my name’s already on the attendance list. But they’d notice I’m gone. Anyway, it’s not like it’s not fun, just… really tiring. You know, I didn’t think you’d be the type to play hooky.”

“I’m not such a goody two-shoes as to frown upon missing a class now and then. In any case, I’d gladly skip a lecture to play hooky with you.”

I swear, this guy is gonna steal my heart. I’m smiling like an idiot again as I step up to order. I get a burger and fries; Sasuke opts for a chicken salad wrap, and we move down the line towards the till. I pull a ten dollar bill out of my pocket and get the cashier to ring up both the meals before Sasuke can say a word.

“Consider it payback,” I tell him.

“All I bought you was coffee.”

“And then you made me dinner _and_ breakfast. This doesn’t even begin to cover it,” I say, getting my change back from the cashier. We grab our plates and head for the cutlery table.

“I wasn’t expecting compensation for that,” he says. “Your continued company is payment enough.”

“I’m honoured.” I load up on ketchup and grab some napkins and then we head back to the table. “But you know I’d spend time with you whether or not you offered me food.”

“Oh, I know. Doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy cooking for two.” He smiles. “It’s a lot less lonely.”

“You never cook with your dormmates?” I ask as we sit down. The name twins are engaged in a conversation of their own, about the song Takeshi’s been working on.

“Seldom. They piss me off too much. And sometimes I don’t bother to make dinner at all.”

“What? Why?” This worries me. Does he struggle with anorexia or something? He could, considering how skinny he is – but no, I’ve seen how he eats. I see how he’s eating now. No one who’s afraid of gaining weight would put away that much food in a sitting. Still, the concept of skipping a meal is so foreign to me that I’m not entirely sure Sasuke’s healthy.

“Don’t look so concerned. I’m just lazy. The state of the kitchen tends to put me off as well,” he admits. “Whenever I go in there my mood just plummets. Every little thing ticks me off – the crumbs all around the toaster, the stove a mess, mould in the fridge, trash everywhere. I end up doing sixty percent of the cleaning in there just because I’m the only one who can’t stand it.”

“That’s awful. Have you tried talking to the people you share it with?”

“Of course. Doesn’t change things.”

I frown. “If it’s bothering you to the point where you’re avoiding it…”

“I can’t say it doesn't affect me, but it’s not the sole reason,” he says, as though trying to reassure me. “It’s not that I’m avoiding the kitchen or anything.”

“If you’re sure…” I’m not really convinced. “Well, you ought to come over sometime. My cooking isn’t nearly as great as yours, but at least our kitchen’s always semi-clean. Oh! You knew my housemate. Remember Sakura? She told me you were her neighbour.”

The recognition in his eyes is immediate. “Really? I haven’t seen her in years. How is she?”

“Absolutely gorgeous,” I say with a smile. “Even you would fall for her.”

His eyebrows go up. I could swear he looked happy when I mentioned her, but it’s gone now. “I’m not attracted to women.”

“That’s how beautiful she is! And she’s not androgynous or anything. I mean, she’s not exactly busty, but she’s definitely filled out. I’ve seen pictures from when she was younger,” I add. “That’s how I know.”

“Hmm.” Sasuke takes a bite of his wrap, gaze fixed on something in the distance.

“Are you waffling on about your housemates again?” Takeshi asks, and only then do I realize that he and Shiroi haven’t said anything since we sat down. They finished up their conversation and then fell silent, probably just listening to me and Sasuke. I know Shiroi tends to be more of a listener than a speaker, but Takeshi’s almost as much of a blabbermouth as me, so this is a bit odd to notice. “Don’t mind him, Sasuke. He’ll tell anyone about anyone he thinks is hot.”

“It’s worth nothing that he’s typically more interested in someone’s personality than their looks,” Shiroi adds. “Both his housemates are lovely people. If a bit strange, in Sai’s case.”

“I suppose exceptions get made for sex gods?” Sasuke asks coolly.

I frown. “You’re awfully frigid all of a sudden.”

Sasuke looks at me sharply and I find myself caught in a gaze that is far from icy – in fact, it’s so heated I feel a shudder run down my spine. I can’t make myself look away, but at the same time I’m finding it hard to hold my own against such a powerful stare.

“Uh, Shiroi’s got a class to be at,” Takeshi says quickly. “We’ll see you later, Naruto. Nice to meet you, Sasuke.”

Sasuke finally looks away, allowing me to release a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding. “Nice to meet you,” says Sasuke, waving. He watches the name twins hurry off, then goes on, “You know, I think I would like to come over for dinner… if you’re offering.”

I blink. It can’t be coincidence that that’s the exact way Sasuke answered the “sex” question when I first met him. I can’t think what he means by it, though. In fact, I’m so confused by his abrupt change of mood that I don’t even know where to begin.

“Well, I did suggest it,” I say finally. “You free Wednesday night? I have a lecture in the afternoon, so we could take the bus together afterwards.”

“Sounds good.” He finishes off his food, then nicks a fry from my plate. The smirk he shoots me is casual, almost playful, as though the heavy air of the conversation was never there.

“Hey.” I pull my plate away from him, though I don’t really mean it and I haven’t quite adjusted back into the banter yet. My text tone goes off in my pocket and I gladly answer it for a reprieve from this tension. “Just kidding. Go ahead and take more if you want.”

The text is from Takeshi: _Wow, what happened there?_

 _Not a clue,_ I reply.

_We didn’t know if Sasuke knew about Blue. Shir says sorry if he fucked anything up._

I doubt this is verbatim – Shiroi rarely feels the need to swear – but I answer, _No worries. I dunno, I only met Sasuke a few days ago. Maybe this is normal for him._

“If you’re not careful I’m gonna end up eating all of these,” Sasuke says lightly, popping another fry into his mouth.

“Be my guest,” I say, taking one myself. I get another text: _He seemed pretty bummed when you were going on about how hot Sakura is. I’ll leave it up to you to figure out what that means._

I hate when Takeshi does this. He always seems to know what’s going on before I do. Not that he can take credit for this all the time – Shiroi’s psychoanalytic personality usually does most of the work. So if Sasuke reacted poorly to my praise of Sakura, what does that mean? What would bother him about that? He couldn’t possibly be annoyed at the fact that I’m attracted to women. Or maybe he’s not as gay as we thought; maybe he has a special place in his heart for Sakura and my open attraction to her is pissing him off. Or maybe he doesn’t like thinking of his old friend in any sexual context. I can understand that. I grab another couple of fries in an attempt to catch up with Sasuke’s slow and steady pace. “So.”

“So.” He hooks his ankle around mine. Somewhat apologetically he says, “I think I scared off your friends.”

“It wasn’t just you. Don’t go stealing the spotlight,” I joke. I hold his foot between both of mine, then cross my shins, tugging at his leg. “They’re distracted today anyway.”

“Then maybe they shouldn’t have asked you to have lunch with them.” Sasuke considers. “No, that’s a bit harsh. But I have to admit I’d much rather spend time with just you.”

“You’re so antisocial. You’re gonna have to talk to Sakura and Sai though.”

“Oh, I’m sure Sakura and I will have plenty of catching up to do.” He smiles. “I assume she told you about her asking me out?”

I nod. “She’d mentioned you before now, but never by name. Funny how the world works.”

“Mm.” He wiggles his foot and I let him go, but he just hooks his ankle back around mine again. He seems more comfortable that way, so I let it be. “I would have said yes, if I could. She was very sweet. But… by that point I’d figured myself out enough to know I could never pretend. I’d hate to inflict that on her, anyway.”

“She’d live with it, you know,” I say quietly. “She’d live a lie just to be with you.”

“So she told me, but it didn’t change my mind about it. Ultimately it was a somewhat selfish decision on my part; my heart is not so gender-blind…”

His voice trails off. I look up to see him watching me quietly, resting his chin in his hand. There’s something about his expression that reminds me of the way he looked at me as we lay side by side in his bed that night, and we had stopped talking and were just lying around waiting for sleep to claim us. In the dark and quiet, as I found my mind drifting away from full consciousness and towards slumber, I caught him looking at me and I imagined for a moment that his eyes were shining with something simple and pure, a feeling that can’t be expressed in words. I looked for it again in the morning, but found nothing, so I assumed it was just a figment made up by my freeform subconscious when my mind wasn’t restricted by logic. But there’s just enough of a resemblance now for me to remember it once more. And maybe it’s just the resemblance I’m recognizing – maybe I’m just overthinking it all – but there’s a warm, bubbly spark in my chest at the sight that I could definitely see myself getting used to.

“Earth to Fishcakes,” Sasuke calls gently.

“I’m still here,” I reply, equally quietly. I have no reason to lower my voice; the cafeteria’s loud enough as it is that I’m barely heard, but I can’t bring myself to raise the volume any further. “Sasuke?”

“Mm?”

I shake my head. “I don’t know. I guess I just wanted to say your name.”

He laughs, melodious, like the first time I heard him laugh. “Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, I love the name twins too much. There are a lot of things I wanted to write in Two Face regarding them that I never got around to. Whether I’ll get to them in L.U.S.T., we’ll just have to wait and see. (Mostly because I don’t really remember what specifically; I just know there were things.)


	8. Reality and Fantasy

My phone goes off again. It’s a sext this time: Blue’s asking where I am in the most suggestive way possible. The clock on my phone tells me there’s ten minutes left of lunch, which is when I said I’d meet him. I’m seriously contemplating ignoring him, but eventually the little brain wins out over the big one.

“I should get going,” I say. “I don’t want to. I wanna skip the afternoon.”

He nods slowly. “I know I suggested it, but you probably shouldn’t.”

“I know. I’m not gonna enjoy it, though. I’m gonna spend the whole three hours thinking about what I could be doing instead.”

“Me, for example?”

“Yeah.” I frown. “Hypothetically.”

Sasuke sighs, slides his leg against mine once more, then pulls it back and stands. “Hypothetically. Willingness aside, however, you have a class to attend and I have work to do. Shall I meet you at the bus stop on Wednesday? When does your lecture end?”

“I should be done by three,” I say, also standing. “I’ll text you.”

“Sure.”

Sasuke piles my plate on top of his and brings them to the trolleys by the door for collection, then we head out. Neither of us says anything, but we walk close enough to brush shoulders now and again, our pace leisurely despite the cold. Once again I find myself loath to part ways with him, but I know Blue’s waiting inside, know I can’t go to him with Sasuke on my mind. Fuck. This doesn’t feel good at all. I know what I’m doing, what I’m feeling, is wrong. So why can’t I stop?

“Are you okay?” Sasuke asks.

“Hm?”

He meets my eyes, concern written in his. “You seem upset all of a sudden.”

There are too many things I could say, too many things I can’t admit. “I… need some time to think about things,” I tell him. “Don’t worry about me, okay?” Really. Please, don’t.

“I could give it a try, but I don’t anticipate success.”

It’s the last answer I wanted to hear, but I can’t help but smile anyway. “I guess it was worth a shot. I’ll see you on Wednesday, Sasuke.”

“Yeah. Don’t be a stranger between now and then,” he smiles. “With the technology we have these days you have no excuse not to talk to me.”

“I still need to add you on Facebook,” I note. I never got around to it this weekend. “Remind me.”

“I’ll sort it.”

“Okay.” I swallow, take a deep breath. This is more excruciating than trying to slowly peel off a band-aid. I grab hold and rip it off all at once. “Bye then,” I say, and head into the studio. I try not to let the disappointed look on his face sting for too long.

I go inside long enough to find Blue, then we slip out the back door and down the hall into a janitor’s closet whose lock we figured out how to pick last year. Once the door’s closed behind us, Blue’s on me in less than a second, backing me into the wall with a fierce kiss and roaming hands without even bothering to pull the cord on the lightbulb. But my heart’s not in it. Sex is sex, but I’m distracted. Not that it matters much with Blue – he goes along with anything. If I’m not mentally present, he just takes over. I thread my fingers through his hair as he strokes me to full mast, then proceeds to give me head. This is always good; with Blue I’m at least guaranteed to get a consistently high quality. In the darkness I rest my head against the wall and imagine Sasuke, walking back to his dorm alone, probably ticked as fuck about how abruptly I said goodbye to him. I remember his texts about getting off to my smell last week. I consider how it would have been if maybe he’d suggested I go over to his for lunch and just sprawl all over his bed so he could have something to jack off to again. I wonder if that’s what he’s doing now, rubbing one out and wishing he had more than just visual memories of me to work with. Goodness knows I wouldn’t need his smell to get off, though; just thinking about him turns me on. That cocky smirk, the confidence in his voice, the fire in his eyes. That delicious body and smooth skin. That skinny ass of his. God I’d love to fuck that.

Properly horny now, I tug Blue to his feet and spin him around. He knows the routine; he finds a bottle of lube and a strip of condoms in his bag and braces himself against the wall, whispering all sorts of dirty things as I prepare myself, then quickly lube him up as well. I should probably stretch him first, but we’ve done this without preparing him plenty of times before. I think he gets turned on by my aggressive impatience. I press into him without delay; he’s already a shuddering mess, but I’m closing my eyes, shutting him out, putting myself into a world where it’s not Blue I’m fucking but Sasuke, Sasuke bent over in front of me, Sasuke throwing his head back and moaning, Sasuke squeezing around me as I drive into his beautiful body for all of two minutes before I growl and bite his shoulder and come, hips pressed firmly against his ass. It’s not until I’ve pulled out and the high is spiralling away that I remember how to separate reality and fantasy, and with that recognition comes the crashing wave of guilt. I stumble back and knock over a couple of bottles of something.

“Geez, I know I called it a quickie,” Blue says, “but that was unusually fast for you. What got you so horny?”

I have to take a minute to breathe and focus on reality. It’s Blue here with me in this stuffy closet, not Sasuke. Blue’s the one I’m fucking. I need to remember this. “You don’t wanna know,” I tell him.

“Of course I do. You know how I feel about your kinks.” He finds tissues in his emergency sex stash kit, then removes the condom and cleans me off before tucking me back into my pants. Now that our eyes are adjusted to the little light we have creeping in from under the door, I watch, trying to remind myself that it’s Blue I’m with, not Sasuke. I slide my hand around to the back of Blue’s head and pull him in for a kiss, taking in that familiar taste, the feel of his teeth, the spot on his tongue where he used to have a piercing, the one chipped molar near the back, the misaligned bottom canine. I’ve mapped out Blue’s mouth in my mind, but already I’m starting to wonder what Sasuke’s is like. I haven’t exactly taken notice of the inside of his mouth, other than that his teeth are pretty much perfect. I wonder what he tastes like – probably an echo of his smell – and I wonder how his tongue moves, how his lips feel when puckered or relaxed. I wonder how his hands would feel, sliding over my body; I wonder how his body would feel under my hands. I trail the back of my knuckles down Blue’s stomach, remembering a coarser trail of hair on Sasuke than Blue can boast, and grab Blue’s cock. He gasps and presses his hands against the wall behind me, his forehead dropping to my shoulder as I stroke him, quick and dirty.

“Aah – shit…” Blue moans. “Naruto…”

“You’re too loud,” I hiss. “Anyone could hear you.”

“Well when you touch me like that—” His hips buck as I squeeze harshly. I can’t just fuck him and then leave him hanging. I already feel guilty enough imagining someone else. It’s easy enough to please Blue, though; he’s not exactly hard to stimulate and for a sex god he always seems to have so little control. Every time I touch him he just dissolves. I have to admit, it’s more of a turn-on than anything else, seeing the power I have over him. At this rate he’s gonna have to blow me again.

In the end we go at it for nearly twenty minutes before we’re both satisfied, and then it takes us another five to recover. My mind morphs Blue into Sasuke at least six times throughout the whole thing. By the end I give up trying to prevent it and just let it happen; anyway it seems to make orgasms more intense than holding back. Exhausted, I sit on a box of supplies, leaning back against the wall, Blue in my lap facing me. My eyes are closed as I run my hands slowly along his torso, as he gently strokes my face and hair. Okay, make that seven times.

“I’m going home,” I tell him after a few moments.

He takes this in stride at once. “I’ll say you weren’t feeling well.”

“Thanks.” I signal for him to get off so I can stand up. I smell like sex, but that can’t be helped. “No classes tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah. Can I come over tonight?”

I hesitate. I can’t really think of an excuse for him not to, but I’d like some time to myself.

He seems to notice this, though. “Never mind. But if you’re free tomorrow, text me?”

“Of course.” I kiss him, an almost automatic gesture. I’d never say no to a daily dose of sex, but when the kisses become more than foreplay I sort of switch off. I keep up the dating façade to an extent – Blue’s a little too touchy-feely around me in public for me to pretend there’s nothing between us, since it seems society frowns upon fuck buddies – but sometimes I feel like he’s more into it than I am.

“You okay?” he asks quietly. There’s something in the tone of his voice that threatens to make me cave.

“Yeah. Let’s get out of here,” I say. “You’re late for class.”

“I’ll tell them I was taking care of you.” He smirks at this. “It’s true, if you put a spin on it.”

And my walls solidify once more. “They’re going to suspect the smell anyway. Go on.”

He opens the door and peeks out. “The coast is clear,” he announces, and we both slip out of the closet into the empty hallway. Once it’s shut, it’s as though we just happened to be passing by. He puts a hand on my chest and leans in for another kiss. “I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah.” I turn and leave, heading for the bus stop, before he can drag me into another session. When it comes to Blue I can only associate physical contact with sex. The way he’s been kissing me lately, though, and the way he’s spoken to me… even in moments where there’s no one around but us, now and then I pick up an attitude from him that almost seems like he cares about me. He has no reason to; I haven’t exactly been nice to him and he knows I’m only in this for the sex. So why would he go out of his way to do things for me? It’s not like I’m threatening to stop sleeping with him with every move he makes, or trying to take advantage of him. A lot of this is spontaneous and of his own volition: asking me if I’m okay, offering to cover for me in class. I wouldn’t ever think of extending that kindness to him. Blue is an anomaly I’ll never figure out. The one guy I enjoy fucking more than anyone else and also the one guy I can’t stand more than anyone else. Luck just had to hit me with that, didn’t it?

Of course, I could always just do Sasuke and solve this whole mess in one go. He makes me smile, laugh, and feel good about myself. He makes me want to spend every day with him. In fact, I could go to him right now. He said he had homework, though. I’d better not bother him. I could always give him a call; he can probably multitask and I’ll be less distracting if I’m not physically there.

So, when I get home, I say hello to Sakura through her open bedroom door and then head into my own room, closing the door and flopping onto my bed. I make myself comfortable, then call Sasuke’s number.

“Shouldn’t you be in class, Fishcakes?” he says the minute he picks up.

“Yeah, I gave up on that. What’s up?”

“Stumped for a logo design. You still on campus? My room’s a little empty without you in it.”

Oh now that just stings.

“I just got home,” I tell him, trying not to sound too disappointed. “I figured you’d be busy.”

“I’m never too busy to let you rub your smell all over my bed. Sadly I think I am a bit too busy to go over to your place, and I wouldn’t want to make you trek all the way back here again.”

“I’m seriously considering it.” I sigh. “Better not to, though. At this rate you’ll get sick of me.”

Sasuke puts on a smooth, automated-answering-machine voice. “I’m sorry, you just uttered words in a syntax I cannot comprehend. Please try again.”

I’m too busy laughing to think of a comeback. “I guess I’ll just have to go over, then.”

“Don’t go out of your way,” he says. I can tell he doesn’t mean it. “You on campus tomorrow?”

“I can be if you want me to be.”

“If you don’t have business to take care of here, you don’t have to.”

“Stop denying you want to see me.”

“Oh, I’m not denying it,” he says. “I just don’t want you to inconvenience yourself for my selfish desires.”

“Who says I’d be inconveniencing myself?” I shoot back. “For all you know I have absolutely nothing better to do than to head back to uni.”

“Do you?”

“Not really. I mean, I have things to do, but they wouldn’t be better than visiting you.”

“Like what?”

“Read Shakespeare. Memorize my lines. Masturbate maybe.”

He snorts. “Not all at once, I hope.”

“Oh, well, you never know…” I put on a seductive voice, breathing heavily: “ ‘He… mmn… loves us not; he wants… ahh… the _natural_ touch.’ ”

“You weren’t kidding about that relationship with Macbeth, huh? Are you staying on the phone while you jack off for him or will he not like knowing I’m listening in?”

“I dunno about Macbeth, but Blue might raise an eyebrow. That said, if it involved me giving him a show, I don’t know that Blue would mind terribly. I bet he’d love to just sit back and watch me beat it, regardless of what I was getting off on.”

“Mm, well, he’s not the only one. Hang on a second.” There’s a bit of noise while Sasuke fiddles with something on his end. “There. I’ve got my Bluetooth on, so I can actually work while I talk to you.”

“Work? Yeah right, more like jerk off to the sound of my voice. Would it be easier to use Skype or something? Then you could watch me masturbate too. We could make it a mutual thing.”

“I would not be opposed to any of this.”

I would, though. Maybe. It’s not my fault if thinking of Sasuke makes me hornier than thinking of Blue. It’s not like Blue will ever know what it is I’m jacking off to – what goes on in my mind is my business alone – but having Sasuke on the phone during the process would definitely be crossing a line. Especially if we’re basically getting off watching each other.

“Naruto?” says Sasuke. “You still there?”

“Yeah.” I slide my fingers into my waistband, distractedly combing my pubic hair.

“Are you touching yourself?”

“No.” Well, not in the way he’s thinking.

“I thought you said you were loud when you masturbated. I’m not hearing much at all.”

“Yeah, ‘cause I’m not. I wasn’t being serious, you know,” I say. “I’m not going to jack off while I’m on the phone with you.”

“Not even if I make you horny?”

“I’m already horny.”

“Is it my fault?”

“Would you enjoy it if I said yes?”

“I might,” he says.

“Then it might be your fault.”

“Fair enough. Should I hang up and let you masturbate in peace?”

“It can wait,” I tell him, even though I’m popping the button on my jeans and working the zipper down with one hand. I’m not in any particular rush, though. “Should _I_ hang up and let _you_ masturbate, slash work, in peace?”

“If you hang up, I’ll go jerk off. If you don’t, I’ll probably keep working. So in the end it’s more efficient for me if we keep talking.”

“Works for me.” I finally manage the zipper and get working on the button of my boxers. God, clothing’s such a hindrance. “What’re you stuck on? I don’t know the first thing about logo design. What’s the brief?”

“This company wants a logo that uses their name in a visually creative way. It’s a real job but the uni said I could hand it in, so that’s always a bonus.”

“What, so you basically get paid to complete assignments? Sweet. I was in a student production last year and we split the earnings, but it wasn’t much considering how much time we put into it. And we never get anything from the stuff we do for the film kids, though they treat us to lunch sometimes.”

“Better than nothing I guess. Naruto?” he says, because I just sucked in a breath at the feeling of my fingers wrapping around myself, sending a jolt of pleasure through my body.

“What?”

“…Nothing.”

Sasuke falls silent for a moment. I imagine him sitting with a sketchbook, hashing out ideas for a logo. I recall the sharp features of his face, the texture of his hair, the pallor of his skin and the grace of his lean limbs. I feel my heartbeat pick up as a rare sensation floods me. It’s not the usual pleasure I get from sex or masturbation. Once in a while, when I’ve got just the right thing going, I get this feeling and it’s like magic. Ghost sensations tell me there was a trace of this in the janitor’s closet with Blue earlier today, but I’m betting it was mostly cancelled out by the guilt – and the fact that I was with Blue. I have never, ever experienced that sensation with Blue.

“You’re jerking off, aren’t you?”

The sound of Sasuke’s voice startles me. “No,” I say automatically, though there’s no way I’ll ever convince him otherwise.

“You are.” He pitches his voice lower, making it breathier. “You’re listening to the sound of my voice, letting it fuel your desire. You’re thinking about how much you want me, how much you want to see me touch myself too. How much you want to drag your hands all over my body and kiss me breathless. How much you want me to grab your cock and put it in my mouth.”

“Whose fantasies are these?” I growl, trying to mask the lust in my voice, because my hand has decided to move faster without asking my brain first and I’m definitely getting harder just listening to him.

“I presumed they were shared,” he smirks. “What now? I could continue to read out the table of contents of my book of fantasies, or you can pick a scene to examine in more detail.”

“What, you have an entire book?”

“That was just a taste of the first section. It’s titled…” He pauses to think. “Well, It’s a work in progress. I’ll get back to you on that. But the second section is the Kama Sutra bit, where it goes into explicit and detail about the various positions in which we’ll be getting it on. Possibly with illustrations, or photographs. Shall I tell you my favourite part?”

“Can I really stop you?” I manage to say it all in one breath because his voice alone has me twitching with pleasure. Good thing I’m not whacking it wet because he’d definitely hear that. I’m having enough trouble silencing my breathing as it is. Am I really doing this?

“Nope. My favourite part is the part where I get you to lie back on the bed and then I straddle your hips and ride you. I’ll probably take control for the most part, but then at the end I’d just support myself while you pound up into me and I’d probably come without even touching myself. It’s a bit more frustrating than when I do, but I expect you’d find it hot.”

Shit, he is so far from wrong. I… I can’t do this. I let go of my erection, but it’s painfully hard at this point and waiting it out is an entirely unappealing prospect. I heave a deep sigh and mutter, “Goddammit.”

“You’re hard, aren’t you?”

I frown. “Sasuke…”

“What? I thought you were enjoying this.” Irritation tints his voice now, which only serves to double my guilt. Not only am I going against my creed, but I’ve pissed Sasuke off too. At this rate I’m going to wind up with no one.

“I – I am. Or… I’d like to be. I’m sorry, Sasuke.”

He’s silent a moment. “No, I should apologize too. I know you’re trying to be faithful, and I’m just stepping all over that.”

“We’re both at fault here,” I suggest.

“That sounds about right. I commend your loyalty, by the way,” he adds, with a smile now. “Considering you keep calling Blue an asshole, you’re admirably devoted.”

“Like I said before, it’s my hang-up, not his. He’s the one being faithful, relative to his usual style. I’m sure he’d love for me to fuck up and fuck someone else so he could do the same.”

Sasuke hesitates, then says slowly, “So… why don’t you? I mean, it sounds like it’d solve both your problems.”

“I know.” I heave a sigh. “But for me that’d just be out of the frying pan, into the fire. Sure, I could fuck you and solve that, but then I’d have the problem of seeing two people at once. I just can’t do it, Sasuke. The guilt would cripple me.”

“You seem to be doing fine so far,” he mutters.

“…What?”

“Never mind,” he says quickly. “Forget I said anything.”

“Sasuke—” I frown. Not because he’s accusing me of already being cheating in a way – but because he’s right. I am. I’m jerking off listening to him talk dirty. This is phone sex; that’s undeniable. I can’t be doing this.

“I’m not saying you should stop trying to be loyal,” he begins, “because it’s a wonderful trait, one that not nearly enough people have, and you should never let it go. But… I think you’re hurting yourself as it is. And you might be inconveniencing others in the process. Just… think about it, okay?”

“…Okay,” I say. “Does this mean you’re hanging up?”

“Well, I’m thinking I ought to let you rub that one out in peace,” he says, a smirk in his voice now. “You really can’t keep quiet, can you?”

“Wh—Sasuke!”

“It’s your own fault. And I think you should at least have the freedom to jerk off to whatever thoughts you want.”

“Hmm.” I guess he has a point. I mean, it’s not like I’m going to stop watching porn just because I’m in a relationship. But then again, porn involves people I don’t know. Jerking off to thoughts of someone I know, someone I want to fuck, is a bit awkward.

“Anyway, I think I have an idea for this logo,” he says. “D’you wanna chat on Facebook later?”

“Sure. I’ll sign on at some point tonight.” I sigh. “Thanks for the talk. I really will think about it.”

“I’m sure you will.” He pauses; I imagine that were we talking in person he’d smile and clear the hair from my face. “Take care. Don’t tire yourself out.”

“Hah. You don’t know what my endurance is like.”

“Well don’t waste too much time going solo either. I’ll catch you later, Fishcakes.”

“Yeah. Later, Duckbutt.”

I hang up, toss the phone onto my bedside table, then heave another deep sigh. The desire to masturbate has largely worn off, as has the hard-on for the most part. I close my eyes. I feel apathy weighing me down, turning my limbs to lead. I just want to lie here and do nothing. I don’t want to think about anything right now. I just want everything to be fixed, goddammit.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, possibly the longest chapter of L.U.S.T. yet. And… that’s kind of sad. I feel like L.U.S.T. chapters are on average shorter than in Two Face, but to be honest I did an average the other day and they’re pretty similar. Unfortunately with L.U.S.T. I’ve been rather conscious of my word count, trying to meet at least 3000 before I start looking for a place to end a chapter.

Next thing I know it’s half past four in the morning and I’m starving and wide awake. Good thing I don’t have class tomorrow or I’d be exhausted for it. I sneak into the kitchen, careful not to wake Sakura and Sai, and make myself a sandwich to eat in my room. I always feel a bit crap napping through the evening, though it’s never bothered me to sleep in past noon. I’m typically more productive in the evening, so that’s probably why.

I sit at my desk, fire up my laptop, and get on the internet. No one’s online, of course, but Sasuke’s added me on Facebook. I confirm this and send him a quick message apologizing for not turning up this evening to chat. Then I spend the next little while on his profile, going through his photos, seeing who his friends are. It seems he’s added Sakura recently too – I know they were neighbours before high school, which is when they would have gotten Facebook – and we have a couple more mutual friends, though no one I know closely besides Karin. Interestingly, nearly every photo he’s tagged in has been posted by someone else. The stuff he’s uploaded is mostly photos of people doing things and not noticing the camera, or of the (numerous) places he’s been, or of things he’s made and done. It looks like he enjoys photography as a minor hobby – I can see some of the theory Shiroi’s told me he learns on his course, but Sasuke’s photos aren’t quite at that level. He’s got a few albums for his artwork, though: his life drawing is accurate and detailed, his logo designs are unique and brilliant, and his personal art contains a bit of everything, though he seems to have a thing for paint. He obviously loves his work. I find myself wanting to see him create something, wanting to hear him talk about it just to see some of that passion in his eyes and to hear it in his voice. What an experience that would be.

What his timeline says about him is less in _what_ he posts and more in _how_. His status updates are few and far between, but his wall is littered with posts and links from friends, and he almost always responds in some way, even if it just means liking a video someone’s sent him. More often he’s likely to comment on it. His info page is brief but informative, offering contact information and a website where he puts his art. He does list some media he likes and quotes he lives by, and it mentions he’s single and interested solely in men. His work history is decent; it seems he’s found odd jobs in graphic design here and there. For a Facebook profile, it’s professional and impressive, especially compared to most other people’s profiles. I file all this information in my brain: certainly not narcissistic; possibly not fond of pictures of himself; appreciates others’ efforts. Maybe not the most social of people, but certainly approachable and warm. It fits what else I know about him, so honest, too. This guy is amazing.

I waste another couple of hours on YouTube, then strip down to my boxers and go back to bed when the sun starts rising. Still, I’m not quite tired and end up just lying around with my eyes closed. I trail my hand across my chest and down my stomach, vaguely wishing for some company in bed. Which reminds me, it’s the first night I’ve slept alone in a while. I fully expected to drag Sai or Sakura into bed with me tonight, but since I ended up conking out at some dumb time that didn’t happen. And they’ll definitely be asleep now. Possibly together. That makes me feel a bit lonely, so I try not to think about it. I can’t remember if either of them have to go into class tomorrow – I mean, today. If so, they probably slept separately to avoid bothering each other when one of them had to get up. At least I know Blue will be on his own. Sasuke… actually, I don’t know about Sasuke. He could very well be in bed with someone at this very moment. I don’t like that thought at all. But of course, Sasuke has no loyalties to keep, no restrictions on his relationship status. Just because we have a mutual desire to fuck each other doesn’t mean Sasuke can’t be with someone else in the meantime, because that’s certainly what I’m doing. But… I hate the idea that he might be curled up with someone else, that he might have fucked someone else, that he might be fulfilling someone else’s fantasies. And I hate that this hatred of mine is completely selfish and that I have no right whatsoever to dictate what he does with his body, heart, or anything else.

This is dumb. Everything could be easy, so easy, if I could just get over this damn loyalty thing. I know Sasuke said not to let it go, but honestly I wish I could stop caring sometimes. I could let Blue fuck who he wanted, I could sleep with Sasuke and maybe even Sai, and everyone would be happy and there would be zero problems. Except for the problem of how guilty I’d feel, even if everyone knew and was okay with it. I’d be the one not okay with it, and I hate that I’m holding it all up. The thing is, I’m pretty sure Sai would want to date if we were fucking. He’s certainly expressed his interest in me beyond the sexual more than once, and Sakura isn’t the type to sleep around casually. I’m not sure what Sasuke wants, but I’d certainly be up for something outside the bedroom if he was cool with it. It’s only been a few days, but already I’ve enjoyed almost every minute I’ve spent with him.

Maybe it’s just too soon. Maybe this is all going too fast and I need a little longer to really sort out how I feel. I just met Sasuke; I’m practically smitten with him and I barely know who he is. It’s not that I don’t think it’s possible to fall in love that fast, but… it can be dangerous. A couple can think they’re perfect together and then fall apart within a week once they realize that their faults aren’t compatible. Or it can take years – I know nothing’s foolproof – but a quick-lived and quick-to-die burst of passion seems more likely and less gratifying. And whatever else happens, I really don’t want to lose Sasuke as a friend. Friendships are much easier to maintain, and it might be easier to avoid a falling out if we’ve been friends for a while before we try anything more. This is what the cynic in me says: get used to having Sasuke in your life before you decide you want to date him. You’ll find out he’s not the perfect person his Facebook profile shows and you’ll be heartbroken and disillusioned, but at least you’ll have an awesome friend. But the hopeless romantic in me is stronger – hope always wins out, and I’ve seen enough of Sasuke to have been given hope that he’s even better than I know.

—

“Sasuke?”

“Mm?”

“You’re not seeing anyone, are you?”

He snorts. “You think, after how I’ve been acting around you, that I might possibly be committed?”

“I am,” I shrug, leaning back in bed. The low-resolution pixels of Sasuke’s face on Skype show amusement in the quirk of an eyebrow, the upwards pull of the corner of his mouth. “It never came up. I mean, I’d assumed as much, but I figured it’d be best to get a straight answer. Just to be sure.”

“No,” he says. “I am not in fact seeing anyone.”

“Not even casually?”

“Not even casually.”

“When’s the last time you had sex?”

“Is that really relevant?”

“…I guess not,” I admit. “Sorry.”

“A couple of weeks ago.”

“Oh.” I think about this. The last time I went that long without sex was… actually, not that long ago. It was when I went home for the Christmas holidays. I nearly went stir-crazy. “You must be so horny.”

He chuckles. “You certainly aren’t any help.”

“I’m not stopping you,” I say at once, although every fibre of my being is telling me not to. “Go get laid, Duckbutt. The nightclubs are open and so are the boys.”

“The Triangle tends to have shitty music and shitty crowds. Not people I enjoy mingling with.”

“Aw, don’t be like that. I hang out at the Triangle regularly.”

Though my tone is light, his face falls. “Oh. Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” I say quickly. “You’re right; some of the people there are dicks. But you do get some reasonable people. I’ve met some amazing sex buddies there.” I decide not to tell him that some of them were bastards too. I tend not to discriminate against dickishness when it comes to finding a fuck. I mean, just look at Blue.

“I’m not exactly looking for sex,” Sasuke muses. “Though if an opportunity comes my way, I won’t say no.”

“So ‘if you’re offering,’ basically?”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

This makes me feel a bit better. All I have to do is hope no one asks. Though to be honest, what are the chances of that around a guy like Sasuke? And it’s not fair of me to wish unintentional celibacy on him when I’m not fucking him either. “Well,” I say, “I hear the Foxtrot is doing an Asian music night this Saturday. How do you feel about J-pop and K-pop?”

“They’re all over my playlist, the same way I would be all over you, had I permission.”

I smile wistfully. “I’d love to give you permission. You know that. So you free next Saturday night? We could do pre-drinks here. Sai and Sakura already said they’d go, and the rest of my crowd. It’ll be fun.”

“Your crowd?” he repeats.

“Yeah. The name twins, Kiba, Gaara, Neji, Shikamaru… I’ve kinda got friends from a bunch of different courses.”

“And Blue?”

“Pfft, no,” I say at once. “If I go out with Blue, I don’t take anyone else. Maybe the housemates, since they know him from when he comes over, but Blue and I don’t do the social thing. The only reason I spend time with him is for sex or foreplay.”

“I see.” He sits back, spinning his tablet pen idly in one hand. “I’d certainly be up for a bit of clubbing, if you’re there. It’s never really been my thing, but I do enjoy it once in a while.”

I nod. “I mean, if you’re looking to hook up, the Triangle’s basically the only place. I wouldn’t hit on a guy outside of the Triangle; too much of a chance they’ll be straight. At least if they’re straight in the Triangle they know what they’re setting themselves up for.”

“I’ve met straight guys at the Triangle,” Sasuke muses, chewing on the end of his pen now. “Some of them were willing to fuck, but that doesn’t mean they weren’t still straight at the end of the day.”

“Oh, sure. But if they’re not looking to sleep with a man…” I shrug. “You know, you probably shouldn’t chew on that. Isn’t it pretty expensive?”

“Huh? Oh.” Sasuke quickly puts down his pen. “Bad habit.”

I smirk. “Bit of an oral fixation you got there, huh?”

“Maybe.” He finds a pack of gum in a drawer and pops a piece into his mouth. “I’ll have you know no one has complained about how much I like to give head.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” I tell him sincerely. Seriously, finding someone who genuinely enjoys blowjobs – to the point where they want it more than the receiver – is a mean feat. If there’s any way Sasuke could make me want him more, I haven’t thought of it yet.

“Too many people consider blowjobs a chore. I can’t imagine why. Though I suppose it can be a bit tiring,” he concedes. “Is that your phone?”

When he falls silent, I hear a faint, muffled buzzing and the sound of my ringtone. “Wow, you’re good. One sec.” I unearth my phone from inside my bag and leave the room before picking up the call. “Lo?”

“ _Heeey_ ,” comes a playful, seductive voice. Goddammit. I need to check the caller ID more often before I answer. I meander into the kitchen as Blue says, “What’s up, babe?”

“I’m a bit busy right now,” I say. “Couldn’t you have texted me?”

“I did, three times.”

“Oh.” It’s a good thing I don’t ever worry about appearing witty in front of Blue, because there’s not much I can say to that until I hang up to check my texts. “Well, like I said, busy.”

“Mm…” He sounds a bit disappointed. “Well, I wasn’t necessarily expecting to see you right this minute. Will you be free tonight?”

“I think the real question is: will I be horny tonight? And the answer to that is I don’t know.”

“You will be if I make you,” he murmurs, and I can’t help but shiver at the tone of his voice. I don’t know if this is even fair. I am _this_ close to hating the guy, but then he does stuff like that and I crumble. Damn this sex drive. I sigh and lean back against the counter as he continues, “You know the things I’d do to you. The things I’d whisper in your ear as you pin me down…”

“I know,” I growl through gritted teeth. “This isn’t really the best time. I’m in the middle of Skyping someone, and Sai’s home—”

“And he cares? He’d probably listen in.”

Just because he’s right doesn’t mean I’m about to concede. “Look, if you shut up now, you can come over after dinner. And sleep over and everything, okay? We’ll go to class together in the morning.”

“Deal! I’ll text you before I leave,” he says brightly, and hangs up before I can say another word. I sigh, all tension, both bad and good, draining out of me. I take a moment to recompose myself. What, do I get off on being aggravated or something? Hearing his voice is half a major turn on and half an instant annoyance. I grab a bag of chips to bring back to my room and throw myself into my chair, which sends it wheeling away from the desk.

“Ugh.” I wheel myself back to the computer. “Sorry about that. Where were we?”

I realize my screen has gone black. Funny, that doesn’t usually happen when a video’s going. I wake up the laptop only to find that the video’s gone and Sasuke’s left a chat message that reads: _Sorry Fishcakes, class is calling. Text me. x_

What the…

What’s that X doing there?

I stare at it as though it’ll eventually transform into something that will tell me the full meaning behind it. That isn’t just a typo, right? X is nowhere near the enter key. Maybe he uses some weird keyboard configuration where it is – Neji wouldn’t shut up about Dvorak for about a month last year. Or maybe… just maybe… My heart does a little flip at the possibility that it’s there on purpose. That Xs and Os type of deal – a kiss. Small enough, vague enough to be viable. A bit cheesy – like, the stuff couples do when they’re so hopelessly smitten you could choke on the sweetness – but I can’t help admitting it’s ridiculously cute and I might just have melted a little inside.

I sigh. Sasuke’s signed off, so any messages I try to send him won’t go through until we’re both online at the same time and by then it’d be pointless. I pull out my phone, skim through the texts Blue sent me, and open the message thread with Sasuke before realizing I don’t really know how to begin. How do I ask about that one letter? If I mention it and he doesn’t understand, I’ll know it wasn’t on purpose. But if it _was_ on purpose but not what I think it is – like if he uses it as some sort of signature or I don’t know what – I’m going to look like a desperate idiot. Of course, the only reason I’ve been able to avoid that up ‘til now is due to already sleeping with someone. But then if I weren’t sleeping with someone, I wouldn’t have to keep up this charade with Sasuke.

Eventually all I text to him is a _Hey Duckbutt._ I hang around for a few minutes waiting for him to respond, but I don’t get anything. Maybe he’s silenced his phone for class. I’m half-relieved, half-irritated – why’d I agonize over it for so long if I’m not even going to get a prompt answer? – but there’s nothing I can do. Best to just move on and let things happen when they happen.

Wish I could stop thinking about Sasuke, though. Even just for ten minutes.

I wander out of my room, looking for company. I made up the thing about Sai being home, even though it’s a weak excuse; Blue and I have never really bothered to keep quiet even if the others are home. But it turns out I was right after all – Sai’s sitting on the couch in the living room, reading a book in the block of sunlight coming in through the window. He looks up when I poke my head in and smiles.

“Hello, Naruto.”

“Hey. Mind if I hang out here a while?”

“I have no say in whether or not you choose to join me, but I would appreciate the company.”

I grab my Nintendo DS from the dining table, then I cross the room and lie down across the couch, resting my head in Sai’s lap. For a while we’re silent, engaged in our own activities but happy to spend time together nonetheless. I’m not really paying attention to the legions of wild Pokémon I’m wiping out. My mind’s still on Sasuke, wondering how he’s doing, how his class is, when he got up, what he ate, who he talked to. It’s all this really mundane shit no one ever cares about, but I want to know it all. I trek myself over to the Pokémon Centre to heal my team and notice Sai’s hand trailing down the side of my face, along my jawline and down to my neck.

“Sai?”

His hand pauses. “Mm?” he replies, perfectly casually.

I shake my head and go back to my game. “Never mind.”

“When’s the last time you saw Blue?” he asks, his thumb brushing over where my pulse is strongest.

“Yesterday. Why?”

“Just wondering.” His fingertips reach my collarbone and trace it carefully.

“You’re horny, aren’t you?”

“Considering your face is rather close to my penis, I’d say I’m doing better than expected.”

I tilt my head back to look up at him, as well as just to be a troll and push my the back of my head against his crotch. I can see the effect in the droop of his eyelids, hear it in a short breath. He flicks my cheek gently in retaliation.

“I thought you were exclusive,” he says, though this is a regular thing with us. I kind of make exceptions for Sai and Sakura. I mean… we don’t really _do_ anything. Lots of teasing, but no actual mutual… anything. “When is he coming over?”

“After dinner. Why do you care? He’s not exactly great company.” Like Blue said, Sai probably just wants to get off to the sound of us having sex. This is not a thought that entirely bothers me. I’d probably be down for a threesome, if I could deal with that sort of thing.

“I was just curious. He usually has a tendency to show up when you have days like today.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I say, though without any tone of malice. “All I’ve done is come hang out with you. If you’d rather I stayed in my room…”

“No, I wasn’t trying to imply anything of the sort,” he says, possibly a bit too quickly. He combs his fingers through my hair, which immediately abates my suspicion. It’s a bit of a cheap trick, but it works like a charm. I’m like a cat who wants to be petted. I crane my neck to push further into the touch and think of Sasuke scratching my scalp to calm me. Sasuke sitting next to me on his bed, just us spending time together in silence. Sasuke falling asleep next to me, waking up curled around me. The way I act around Sasuke is surprisingly similar to my relationship with my housemates. Somehow this makes me immeasurably happy. I trust Sai and Sakura implicitly; they are an exception to my hang-ups about intimacy, though I wouldn’t sleep with them. The fact that I can feel the same around Sasuke says a lot. Maybe I can’t trust him the way I trust people I’ve known for a year and a half, but I’m more than willing to give him a chance.

When Sakura gets back from class, we all head to the kitchen to make dinner. We put on music and chat and sing while we work. It’s a great way to spend time together, and I can practice my vocal stuff while I’m at it. A lot of the time there isn’t quite enough work for three people, so one of us ends up standing at the fridge making dumb sentences with the word magnets. Apparently whoever made this art-themed fridge magnet set decided that artists have a thing for getting it on – more so than other types, anyway – because there are words like “passion” and “sex” mixed in with stuff like “canvas” and “miasma.” And when we took the magnets out of the package, they were all stuck together in blocks and we didn’t have the heart to separate “stroke nude junk.” I mean, was it really coincidence that they happened to be lined up like that? So that gets a special place right at the top of the fridge door and guests always ask about it.

Sasuke finally texts me back mid-cooking, so I end up doing almost nothing, too busy talking with him. I can’t find a way to bring up that little X in conversation, and he doesn’t mention it either, so I decide to let it slide. It was probably just a typo, a slip of the thumb. I can’t help feeling a bit disappointed.

Sai and Sakura give up on trying to make me help and just sic me with the washing up after we eat. I don’t mind too much; it’s only fair, after all. I’m almost done when the doorbell rings. Sai gets it.

“Hey there,” says Blue’s bright voice.

“Evening,” Sai replies. “Naruto’s in the kitchen.”

I hear the door close and Blue taking off his coat and boots, and a minute later a cyan reflection approaches in the window in front of me. He slides his arms around my waist and kisses my cheek as I put the last plate on the drying rack. “Hey, babe,” he murmurs into my ear.

“Hey.” I pry him off to dry my hands on the towel hanging off the oven door, then turn around and find myself mouth-to-mouth against Blue. He pulls me in as he kisses me deeply; I feel his tongue slip into my mouth before I even know what’s going on. I can see Sai out of the corner of my eye, watching us discreetly from the hallway, saying nothing. Quickly I pull away from Blue.

“How was your day?” he asks quietly, his hand rubbing circles into my back.

“Fine.” I untangle myself from him and head for my room. He surprises me by taking a hold of my hand, and I stop and turn. “What are you—”

“What?” He moves closer, arm pressed against mine, and smiles. “I missed you.”

I sigh. “It’s only been a day. Come on.” I tug him into my room and close the door behind us.

I flop down on my back on the bed and make myself comfortable. I expect Blue to crawl on top of me, but instead he comes around to the side and sits on the edge of the mattress. He reaches out and his fingertips touch my face, tracing my scars. My eyelids flutter at the touch, but I don’t understand.

“What are you doing?” I ask, my voice a murmur.

“What do you mean? I’m doing exactly what it looks like I’m doing.”

“I thought you were here for sex.”

“Partly.” He leans in and kisses me, but draws away before I can reciprocate. His face remains close, though, a smile on his lips and in his eyes. “Can I ride you today?”

“Huh? Sure.” I’m surprised – Blue rarely makes any requests beyond simply asking to sleep with me. I figured he was down for anything at any time. He usually lets me dictate how we do things. But I’m not really opposed to lying back and letting him do all the work, so that’s just what I do. He sits in my lap as he undresses me, rolling his hips and scattering kisses all over my skin. He murmurs words of affection and desire; the way he moves is almost reverent, as though he’s worshipping my body, seeking to pleasure me more than to relieve himself. He constantly asks me how I’m feeling, if he’s doing it right, if he wants me do to anything else. I have to admit it’s nice, being wanted like this. His attentions are a serious turn-on. But there’s something about him tonight that’s different, more affectionate, less single-minded. It’s like he’s got more on his agenda than just getting off. But isn’t that what this relationship is all about? Sex and no more?

It’s not exactly late when we’re done, so we sneak out to the bathroom for a shower. If I were at Blue’s place I’d shower alone – just a habit, I guess – but Blue argues that it’d save water to go together, and considering my budget, anything to lessen the bill we have to pay is good with me. Not that shared showers are terribly efficient when the showerhead is only big enough for one person to be under at a time. Still, Blue mostly defers the water to me, lathering shampoo into my hair and soaping me up, all while kissing and touching me. He gives me a handjob while we’re at it. He doesn’t say much, just occasionally asks if the water’s warm enough or how I’m feeling as he scrubs my back. The attention he’s paying me is actually starting to worry me a little. He’s been clingy lately, but not this much. We made it clear at the beginning of this relationship that we weren’t actually dating. It was sex and no more. No emotional attachments. Thinking back, though, that’s never really stopped him from being overly affectionate. I just assumed that was part of his personality; he flirted with pretty much everyone he could for the first while before I finally got it into his head that I was serious about exclusivity. I honestly have no idea what he’s up to.

I did promise I’d let him sleep over, so I climb into bed and he turns off the light before following, curling up next to me. He lays his head on my shoulder wraps an arm around me, his head fitting snugly under my chin. He smiles. “Thanks for having me over.”

Another surprise. “Mm,” I reply, without much enthusiasm.

“You tired?”

“Not really,” I say, before realizing my response should have been yes so he’d shut up.

But he doesn’t say anything for a moment. I wasn’t expecting that, but I take advantage of the silence to notice a trend in my disposition around Blue. It’s like whenever I’m around him, I immediately shut off emotionally. Well, that isn’t anything new – I don’t like him as a person, but I have to deal with him at least a little if I want to bang him, so I ignore how I feel emotionally and focus on the physical. But there’s something nagging at my mind… that sensation that came to me when I talked to Sasuke on the phone and he was saying dirty things as I jacked off. When I push away the guilt I associate with that – which isn’t exactly easy when Blue’s snuggled against me right this moment – I remember that feeling of… what was it? It was liberating, almost. It wasn’t entirely new, but it’s been so long since I’ve felt it that I’m having trouble identifying it. It’s just… being with Sasuke, and spending time with him…

“What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing.”

“Okay.” I can tell he knows I’m lying. That more than anything surprises me – not the fact that he chose to overlook it, but the fact that he noticed at all. How well must he know me, to be able to tell when I’m deep in thought? What else has he noticed about me? Since when has he been paying attention?

“Naruto?”

“What?”

“I’ve been thinking,” he begins slowly. “About… this. This whole arrangement we have.”

“There’s not much to think about,” I retort. “We sleep together. That’s it.”

“Exactly. It’s just…” He frowns. “Well, never mind.”

“…What?” I’m curious now. “What were you going to say?”

“Nothing important.” Blue leans in and kisses my cheek. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Whatever. Go to sleep.” I let my head roll sideways, facing away from him.

“Okay,” he whispers. “Night, babe.”

“Mm.” I close my eyes and listen to his breathing slow down, but I don’t fall asleep for ages, trying to figure out what he was about to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, just as a side note: we are, for this fic, going to ignore the fact that everyone has super Japanese names. Naruto’s a freaking blue-eyed blond and the Uzumaki clan is known for its members’ bright red hair. I’m basing race on physical appearance here, so Naruto’s Caucasian while Sasuke is in fact Japanese. But culturally they’re all Western. Cool? Cool.  
> I’ve kind of been writing this assuming readers will have read Two Face before. It’s not a huge deal, but basically there are semi-important details – mostly with the recurring OCs – that are mentioned only briefly here because I don’t feel like writing them in full. It’s like when you read a sequel novel and they briefly mention stuff you already knew, in case you happen to be a new reader or it’s been a while since you read the first one. Basically, if you’ve read Two Face, you’ll probably have a richer understanding of these things, but if you haven’t it’s not a big deal.  
> Oh, and the fridge magnets? True story. Picture here: http://tj.k.vu/12U


	10. The Demon Within

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Ten: The Demon Within  
> Words: 3367  
> I drew up a quick floor plan of Naruto’s house. I do this a lot with my writing, because my mind has a tendency to disregard the laws of space and kind of overlap stuff unless I give myself a solid visual. So here’s what the house looks like: [ i46. tinypic. com/ 14b3w8w. jpg ]

“You seem distracted,” says Sasuke.

“Hm?” I turn away from the bus window to glance at him. “Oh. Sorry. I get motion sick easily,” I invent. It’s a lie. Sai gets motion sick easily, so he spends most of any bus or car ride staring out the window or sleeping. I have no such problem; I can read or play video games on vehicles without the slightest headache or nausea. I do like to watch out the window when I bus home regardless. But Sasuke’s right: I am distracted.

“I see.” Sasuke’s leg presses reassuringly against mine, our shoulders touching as we sit side by side on the bus, and it makes me smile to know he’s there. “How was your day?”

“Fine. The lecture started at one, so I slept in.”

“Explains why you didn’t answer my texts,” he says with a laugh. And he’s right, to an extent. But then there’s also the fact that Blue let me have morning sex with him, held my hand on the bus to uni this morning, and treated me to breakfast in the cafeteria. Okay, so the morning sex isn’t such a strange thing, but he’s never spent any money on me and the hand-holding thing was definitely weird. I tried to shake him off but he persisted until I gave up and let him, and the way it lit up his face… I sigh and reach over Sasuke to press the stop button.

“This is us,” I tell him, giving him a nudge, and he gets up and heads for the exit. We step off the bus and head in the direction of home.

“So,” he says, “who else lives in your house?”

“It’s just me, Sakura, and Sai,” I say. I should probably stop thinking about Blue. I’m not going to see him until tomorrow at the earliest, and right now I’m spending time with Sasuke. I don’t need thoughts of Blue to dampen my spirits. “We all met at the fresher’s fair last year. Inseparable since. I actually dated Sakura for a while – just a few weeks, but we figured out pretty fast we made better friends. She’s a good fuck, though,” I add, with a bit of a cheeky grin.

“I’ll take your word for it.” Sasuke’s shoulder brushes mine as we walk side by side. I’m starting to get the feeling that it’s not an accident, that it means something, but I haven’t quite figured out what. “And Sai?”

“Never slept with him. He wants to, but I think it’d be too weird, since I live with him and all.”

“You live with Sakura.”

“I wasn’t living with her when we were dating. It’s… I dunno. It’s a bit complicated. I’m complicated,” I say, scratching the back of my head. I feel the need to apologize, though for what I’m not certain. “Sorry. I’m a bit of a mess sometimes.”

Sasuke seems unsure of how to respond to this – and I can’t blame him. Denying it would be dumb, but he might think agreeing would come off as too harsh. “Well, as I said earlier, you’re loyal and that’s the most important thing. Just don’t do anything that makes you unhappy.”

“I’m trying,” I tell him with a sigh. “But it’s not quite as easy as that.”

I fish my keys out from my pocket and steer Sasuke towards the front door of our house. It’s a pretty nice place – a front porch with deck chairs, some potted flowers hanging off the railing, a bay window in the living room. I let us in, kick my shoes off, and hang up my coat, gesturing for Sasuke to do the same.

“I’m home,” I call into the house. After a moment, Sai’s door opens and he steps out.

“Hello, Naruto,” he says with a smile, then notices Sasuke. He approaches us, looking to me for an introduction.

“Sai, this is Sasuke,” I say. “Sasuke, Sai.”

Sai nods and smiles, holds a hand out. “Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise,” Sasuke replies, shaking Sai’s hand. Something seems off, though. Usually I’m more than happy for my friends to get to know each other – the more the merrier, after all – but there’s a certain guardedness between Sai and Sasuke, cool, almost professional, like this is a business meeting instead of a new friendship. It’s almost as if they’re sizing each other up.

“…Well, Sasuke,” I say, “want a tour of the house?”

“Sure.” Sasuke’s eyes linger a moment longer on Sai, then he turns to me. “Lead the way.”

Sai goes back into his room while I show Sasuke around. The so-called tour only takes a couple of minutes. The first door on the right is Sai’s bedroom; the first and only on the left is an open doorway into the kitchen, separated from the living room only by a countertop, meaning you can watch TV while cooking or chat across rooms. The door directly down the hall from the front door is Sakura’s and the one to its right is mine. A little alcove between Sai’s and my rooms holds the puny bathroom.

“And that’s it,” I say, once I’ve shown Sasuke all the rooms. “There’s an attic, but we’ve never been in there. My guess is it’s full of dust and bat shit. And I mean literal bat shit, not the insanity kind.”

“Either way, I’d rather not experience it firsthand,” Sasuke laughs.

“Good thinking. Come on.” I drop my bag in the hallway and head into the living room, then flop down on the couch. Sasuke follows, sitting next to me. I grab the remote control off the coffee table and flip through the channels, but we don’t even have basic cable and nothing looks interesting on the two or three channels that actually work. “Wanna watch a movie or something?” I ask.

“What’ve you got?”

“A shitload of stuff. Sakura collects DVDs.” I reach under the table to pull out a huge CD wallet, which has nine discs to a page, and open it in my lap. Sasuke takes the opportunity to shift closer, leaning in to read the titles. I feel his knee knock mine, his arm pressed against me, his hair tickling my shoulder, and I can’t help but smile. “What’re you in the mood for? Comedy? Action? Romance? All three?”

“Hmm.” Sasuke flips the page, considers the titles. “How do you feel about horror?”

“Wh—uh, no. Anything but that.” I quickly turn the page away from Sakura’s horror section, but Sasuke intercepts me and flips it back.

“Oh?” There’s a scheming smirk on his face now. “Too scary for you?”

“No,” I retort automatically, glaring at him. “I find horrors boring, actually. Gratuitous scare tactics do not a good film make.”

“You just don’t want to watch them ‘cause they scare you, right?”

“Wrong! They don’t scare me at all.”

“Then you shouldn’t have any trouble watching one.” He slides a disc out of its pocket. “Come on, this is one of my favourite movies. It’s not _that_ bad. Don’t be a scaredy-cat,” he taunts.

“I’m not a scaredy-cat!” I snap, and grab the disc.

As I slide it into the machine and set up the TV, I hear Sasuke get up and walk away. I’m confused for a moment until I hear the curtains slide shut and see the room plunge into darkness. Oh, great. Absolutely wonderful.

“Just setting the atmosphere,” he says casually. “No point watching a horror in broad daylight.”

“Right.” I sit back down, handing Sasuke the remote control. I know I won’t be able to bring myself to press play.

It starts innocently enough. A girl moves into her missing father’s hometown to get some clues on where he might be. She gets wind of some sort of rumour, a legend about a paranormal monster and weird disappearances. She ignores all warnings and goes fucking exploring. Alone. What an idiot. At least it’s sunny… until the fog rolls in. Then shit starts getting real.

Let me say it straight: I cannot stand horror. Games like Silent Hill and Amnesia, YouTube videos specifically designed to freak you out, even news stories about murderers and psychopaths make me paranoid. When that guy gnawed off some dude’s face in Florida and ignored being shot and everyone wouldn’t shut up about zombies, I had to leave the room any time someone started talking about it. Real or not, I can’t take stuff like this, especially if it involves the supernatural.

I shouldn’t have let Sasuke goad me into this. I won’t be able to sleep alone for weeks. I won’t be able to get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, or to travel home from uni after dark. And that’s a real problem now, in the winter, when sunset is so early. I really, really don’t like this. I can feel the horror leaking into my mind, blotting out normal thought to make way for something much more sinister. I can feel it awakening inside me, and yet I can’t stop watching, can’t tear my eyes away from the train wreck.

“Naruto?”

I jump. I actually nearly forgot Sasuke was next to me. I finally look away from the screen, where the protagonist stands, trapped, waiting for unknown predators to appear. He’s looking at me with concern.

“You’re kind of tense,” he says quietly.

I blink, then realize my palms is aching where my nails have been digging into them. It hurts my joints to uncurl my fingers, and the skin of my palm is bright red with little crescent indents.

“It – it’s nothing,” I say, curling my fingers back in to hide the marks, though only loosely now. “Bit of a habit, that’s all.”

He lets it slide, saying, “Well, it’s not a great one. Better stop before you break the skin.”

Before I can pull my hand away, he takes it in his own, straightening out my fingers, rubbing his thumb into my palm to soothe the skin, massaging my fingers gently. It’s strangely soothing over the background noise of panicked breathing, ominous rustling, and eerie music. He continues for a long time, then gradually slows, until he’s just holding my hand, unmoving. It helps – it helps a lot – but I still can’t erase the basic, primal fright I feel with this movie playing on the TV in front of me. We’re not even an hour into the movie and I’m already trembling, wide-eyed in horror, desperately hoping for it to be over soon. Darkness is creeping into the edges of my vision, horrible scratchy voices whispering taunts and jeers in my mind as the protagonist on-screen writhes frantically, caught in a trap. A sudden bright flash of light accompanies a terrified shriek and I flinch, my heart taking off like a rocket.

“Are you okay?” Sasuke asks, sounding worried.

“Yeah,” I mumble, though I can’t really focus on what he asked. I’m losing my grip on the real world, watching it fall away as the darkness closes in.

“If it scares you that much, just say so. We don’t have to watch it if you—”

“I’m fine!” I shout, but my voice cracks and I suddenly realize that I’m curled up, my feet up on the couch, my knees drawn to my chest. Sasuke actually draws back a little, startled by my outburst. I can’t do this. I duck my head and bury my face in my knees, rocking gently back and forth. _Go away,_ I repeat in my mind, like a mantra. _Go away. Make the darkness go away._ This keeps it at bay, at least to an extent. I can at least think semi-straight. Not that it matters, because I have to focus all my energy on the chant just to avoid being swallowed up.

Through the hissing and snarling in my mind I hear a clearer voice calling my name, a familiar and comforting one that reminds me what reality feels like the same way you only know something is a dream once you’ve woken up. Except that here, I’m still locked in the dream – the nightmare.

“…Naruto,” calls the voice, sounding distant and unreachable. “Naruto, it’s okay. I turned off the movie. We’re not watching it anymore.”

I can’t fight the darkness. It grasps at me with greedy claws, bares its fangs and beckons me into its embrace. It will consume me.

Then I feel a touch on my shoulder and the darkness shrinks away, repelled like oil from soap, clearing my mind. I carefully lift my head enough to peek out a little. The TV is off, the curtains are thrown open, and Sasuke’s kneeling in front of me with his hand on my shoulder. I feel heavy, like I haven’t slept in days.

“Naruto.” He looks into my eyes, worry in his. “Naruto, look at me. Are you okay?”

“I…” I rub my eyes. I can’t truthfully say yes, so I just shake my head. I put my feet on the floor and stand, then sway. Sasuke’s standing by my side at once, steadying me. His presence immediately makes my head feel clearer.

“I think I need to lie down for a bit,” I mutter. I take a hold of his arm for support, feeling immeasurably weary, and we make our way to my room. He doesn’t say anything, but the furrowing of his brow is enough for me to read his concern. I collapse onto my bed, sitting on the edge and slumping forward.

“Do you need anything? A glass of water?” Sasuke heads for the kitchen.

“Wait—” Before he can go, I lurch to my feet. I don’t even know what I’m doing until my face is buried in his neck and my arms are wrapped tight around him. I’m shaking uncontrollably and so severely I threaten to take us both down, but there’s no way I’m letting go of him.

“Okay, I’ll stay,” he says gently. “But let me close the door. It’s alright, Naruto. It’s fine. I’m staying here with you. I’m not going anywhere. I’m just closing the door.”

I listen to his soothing voice, listen to him repeat this over and over again. A mantra. Just closing the door. It’ll be okay. We’ll be safe. I loosen up enough for him to reach an arm out and push the door shut, then he leads me back to the bed and sits me down, taking a seat next to me. He rubs my back, speaking soothing words. I don’t know what he’s saying. It doesn’t matter. His voice fights the demon within.

“…Fuck,” I finally say, after many long minutes of this. My voice is as shaky as I am, as small as I feel. “I… I’m sorry, Sasuke. This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“What are you talking about? I should be the one apologizing. I pressured you into watching the movie—”

But I shake my head. “No, you didn’t know. I know better than to watch horrors. But I did it anyway. I just thought – I dunno, it’s been going better lately; it’s been a while since this happened, so I thought I might be able to handle it. But I just…” I shudder as I recall the way the darkness invaded the edges of my sanity. “I guess it’s not worth hiding from you, since you’ve witnessed it firsthand. I… get triggered by horror, especially supernatural stuff. I mean, in a really big way. I don’t know what I was thinking, trying to watch that. I mean, some things elicit a much less powerful response than others. But some things just resonate a little too strongly, and then it starts to wake up…”

Sasuke frowns. “Wake up? What are you talking about?”

“Nothing. It’s nothing,” I tell him. In any other situation I bet he’d press the matter, but here he lets it go. You don’t ask someone for details about their trigger. “Shit, I’m really sorry. For – for making everything really serious and stuff.”

“Don’t be.” He pushes my bangs back, tucking my hair behind my ear, his touch gentle and his hand steady. He is the solidarity I need right now, when my world is threatening to crumble. “You shouldn’t have to apologize for getting upset. I’m the one who should be sorry – I shouldn’t have goaded you. Is there anything I can do to help?”

“I just – I need some time to distance myself from it.” Even sitting, I find myself swaying, not completely in control. There’s just too much going on in my head for me to concern myself with the physical.

“Lie down,” Sasuke suggests gently.

I nod, but that makes my head reel, so I give that up and lie on my side in bed, half-curled, still shaking, and reach an arm out to him. “I… need you here with me,” I mumble. “Just lie with me for a while. Please.”

He threads his fingers through with mine, then lies on the other side of the bed, facing me, very close. Not close enough. When my mind is this plagued, I need all the comfort I can get. I’m so tired; all I want to do is sleep. But I’m afraid to. I’m afraid to close my eyes, to submit myself to that demon. Even with Sasuke there, I can’t trust what I can’t be sure of with my physical senses. I scoot closer, filling the space between us. He wraps his arms around me without question, one hand cradling the back of my head, gently sifting through my hair; the other on my back, holding me tight. I slip my arms around him, burying my face in his chest, taking deep breaths, breathing in his comforting scent, feeling the trembling fade.

It’s a long time before I finally feel ready to face the world again. I untangle myself from Sasuke, who’s been combing through my hair with his fingers the entire time, and slowly sit up and lean back against the headboard.

“Thanks,” I murmur. “I think… I feel better now.”

“You think?” He sits next to me, watching me carefully.

“Yeah. I kind of have to take a break after it happens, but then distraction is the best remedy.”

“Should we do something else then?”

“In a bit. I like being here.”

He smiles. “Okay.”

I lean against his shoulder, and his hand automatically finds mine. I squeeze it, unable to better express how grateful I am for his company. Usually when this kind of thing happens, Sakura, Sai, or one of the name twins will be there for me, to anchor me to this world until the torrent of darkness subsides. But most of my friends know nothing about my anxiety attacks, nor the darkness I have to fight. If it ever came up in conversation, I think I’d tell Sasuke, because I trust him – but it didn’t have to. It happened, and he was there for me in a way no one has ever been there for me the first time. Every time I panic around someone new, I face extra anxiety over having to deal with someone who has no clue how to help me. It racks me with guilt, and their lack of confidence breaks me further. But Sasuke was calm the whole way.

“Have you ever dealt with someone having a panic attack before?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “I… didn’t really know they were a thing, to be honest.”

“You handled it really well. I mean, you didn’t try to tell me to calm down or that there was nothing to panic about.” I frown, recalling some slightly less helpful consolers from when I was younger. “I already know all that. I don’t need to hear it from someone who doesn’t know how I’m feeling.”

“Seems a bit insensitive,” Sasuke muses.

“Yeah. It’s like… I already know I’m overreacting, and thinking about that just makes me panic more. I don’t need anyone to tell me my feelings are invalid.” I shake my head. Just thinking about it gives me the jitters. “Never mind. You hungry?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took an entirely different turn than what I was expecting. I was just thinking they could hang out, talk a bit, watch a movie. I sent out a question on my Tumblr asking what people thought Sasuke and Naruto might watch together. Eventually I chose not to pick a specific movie, but I did choose for it to be horror for a bit of hurt/comfort. But of course, being the melodramatic writer I am, I ended up with an overreacting Naruto and I just decided to go with it. It was a good decision. At least I think so. I don’t foresee it playing a huge role in the story, but it’ll certainly stick around for a few chapters and maybe crop up again later.
> 
> Note that I don’t personally have trigger attacks and I’ve never witnessed someone have one, so my take on this is purely a result of stories and research. I assume they’re different for everyone, but I didn’t realize until well into the whole thing that I’ve been writing about them as if I know a lot about the subject when really I probably don’t. I really hope I’m approaching it right. If I’ve done anything to offend anyone, I apologize profusely and hope that you’ll let me know so I can change it.  
> R+F


	11. Lust

I manage to distract myself from the anxiety attack by cooking dinner with Sasuke and Sai. Not enough to completely forget, but enough to let the emotions fade into memory. It starts out gradual – when Sai comes to join us in the kitchen, he immediately notices that something’s off about me.

“Naruto? You seem tired,” he says. “Is everything okay?”

“Um, yeah. It will be eventually.” I exchange glances with him, and he understands at once. He and Sakura know very well that the best remedy for my anxiety is time and that interrogating me will only set off a relapse. If I need to talk about it, I’ll approach them.

“Okay,” he says. “What’s for dinner?”

“Burgers and fries. Homemade,” I add with a grin. “Is Sakura not home yet?”

Before Sai can answer, we hear the front door unlock and Sakura’s voice shout, “I’m home!”

“We’re in the kitchen,” I call back.

In a minute she appears in the doorway. She glances around, then does a double take. Her eyes widen in disbelief. “ _Sasuke?_ ”

“Long time no see.” Sasuke smiles.

“What – no way!” She runs up to him and gives him a big hug, laughing and asking how he’s been. It’s a while before they part – it’s obvious they were great friends before. It’s kind of touching, actually, watching their reunion. “Wow! You’re so…”

“Hot?” I offer.

She flushes and mumbles, “He’s always been.”

“I’m flattered,” he says with a laugh. “And you, Sakura – Naruto wasn’t exaggerating.”

“See! Even the gay agrees with me.” I smile and dodge a punch from Sakura.

“I was _going_ to say Sasuke’s really tall,” Sakura huffs. She turns away from me and to him, her eyes lighting up at once. “So how are you? How’s everything going?”

They chat animatedly, starting with a general summary of what they’ve each been up to since they last talked, then filling in the details as the conversation deepens. I don’t think I’ve ever heard Sasuke talk so much. He seems utterly at ease with Sakura, in a different way I feel he’s at ease around me. Don’t get me wrong; I don’t think Sasuke feels uncomfortable around me, but he _knows_ Sakura. He certainly carries some tension around Suigetsu and Karin, he was downright frigid towards Sai, and he mostly ignored the name twins (though that could have been because we were pretty engaged in our own conversation at the time). I haven’t really seen Sasuke interact with that many people, but Sakura’s the first besides me that he seems truly at ease with. It’s like he’s opened up to be a completely different person.

I can’t help but wonder if this is what Sasuke was like as a kid. It would make sense for it to be how he acted around Sakura when they knew each other. He doesn’t make the same innuendos and witty remarks as he does around me; his responses are sincere, wholesome, and generally innocent. Maybe it’s just how he acts around Sakura specifically. But it’d still apply, wouldn’t it?

“Naruto?”

“Zah?” I blink, then jump when I realize Sakura’s sitting next to me at the dining table. Wait, we’re at the dining table? When did we finish cooking? I definitely remember helping out, though…

“You haven’t said a word in the past half hour,” Sasuke says from my other side. I turn to him and he raises an eyebrow at me, like he’s expecting me to get with the program already.

“Sorry,” I say, still too confused to really figure out a comeback. “I was lost in thought.”

“Again? I can’t fish you out from the sea of deep contemplation every time,” he replies, amused.

“What were you thinking about?” asks Sakura curiously. “You don’t get like that too often.”

“You too?” I look from her to Sasuke and back again. “What is it, Make Fun of Naruto’s Stupidity Day?”

“I thought that was every day,” Sai quips, but he’s smiling.

“Oh, great.” I roll my eyes and turn to my food. I feel a foot nudge mine and I glance sideways. Sasuke smiles reassuringly at me, and I return the smile and the nudge. In moments we’re playing footsies under the table. It’s a comforting gesture, especially since I was starting to feel left out listening to him and Sakura talk. I mean, it’s completely unfair of me to begrudge them that; they were good friends long before I met either of them and they’re perfectly entitled to _talk_. But there’s still an irrational twinge of disgruntlement that I have to admit is there.

“Say, Naruto… you look really worn out,” says Sakura. “You alright?”

“Huh?” I turn to find she’s leaned in close to me, and before I know what’s going on she’s reaching out, her thumb brushing across the area below my eye, as though to erase the dark circles I know are there. I went to splash my face with water in the bathroom before cooking and had a look in the mirror. Sakura’s right, of course – I look kind of awful. I forgot about it quickly because I’m among company I feel comfortable with, people I trust and care about. I don’t know whether it’s a mark of Sakura knowing me really well that she noticed, or of her being completely distracted by Sasuke that it took her this long.

Speaking of Sasuke, I can feel a glare boring into the back of my head.

Sakura doesn’t seem to notice at all, though. Her attention is fixed on me. “You look exhausted,” she says. “Is everything okay?”

“Oh, well…” I avert my gaze, trying to figure out how much I’m willing to say. It’s not that I think Sakura will make a big deal about it – I know she won’t – but I don’t want to worry her when I’m already mostly over it and I don’t really feel like bringing it up. But on the other hand I feel like she has a right to know, being one of my closest friends and all. I know she’d want me to tell her – I’d want to know, if something similar had happened to her. So I decide to say it straight. “I had a trigger attack.”

“Oh—” She looks surprised, worry immediately entering into her eyes. “What – what happened?

“Are you okay?” asks Sai, equally concerned.

I nod, trying to assuage them because they’re both staring at me. “I’m fine now, I just…”

“It was my fault,” Sasuke interjects, though quietly, as though unsure of how much he’s allowed to say. “I goaded him into watching a horror movie with me.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t know it would have serious repercussions,” I say. “I’m the one who knew that. I should’ve said something.”

He frowns. “It’s not that easy to just out and tell someone that kind of thing, especially if you haven’t known them long. I can understand why you didn’t.”

“That doesn’t make it your fault. I just—” I sigh. “Look, can we not argue about it? I don’t need more stress right now.”

Sasuke instantly looks apologetic. “I – yeah. Sorry.” His knee presses against mine, and I press back, trying to let him know I forgive him.

The remainder of dinnertime is fairly subdued. I feel kind of terrible for it – I was hoping for Sasuke to get along with my housemates, for everything to be natural and comfortable, like he was always supposed to be a part of us – part of the family. Not that it’s no longer a possibility or anything; it’s not like there’s never been a tense silence through the house with just the three of us, but I guess I just wanted today to not be one of those days.

Sakura is on washing duty, since she didn’t help with the cooking. Normally we all take our dirty dishes to the sink, but Sai grabs mine and Sasuke’s before I can do so. “I’ve got it,” he says gently. Perhaps it’s a small gesture to ease my load; maybe he’s just being nice. Either way, I’m grateful for it.

“Thanks,” I say, and head out to my room. Sasuke follows me wordlessly. I close the door behind us, then flop back on my bed with a sigh. “God, I am _done_. I don’t even know why, but I’m exhausted.”

“You’ve kind of gone through a lot in the past couple of hours,” says Sasuke, sitting with his back against the headboard. “Here, put your head in my lap.”

I glance over and have to smirk. “Face-up or face-down?”

He snorts. “Just come here.”

I adjust so that I’m lying on my back with my head resting on his thighs, his feet on either side of my hips. He touches my forehead gently, then passes his fingers over my eyelids, coaxing me to close them. “Relax,” he murmurs. I feel the pads of his thumbs trace across my cheekbones, then go up to my temples. He rubs them in little circles, then presses in firmly but carefully. I feel some of the tension in my mind dissipate. He repeats a few times, then proceeds to give my face a massage – smoothing out my eyebrows, finding pressure points that relax my muscles, rubbing circles near the inside corners of my eyes. It’s a surprisingly comforting gesture. There’s something soothing about having one’s face touched, a generally sensitive area that you only allow contact with if you truly trust the person. And I trust Sasuke. Something about how he acts around me makes me feel completely open to him. I don’t necessarily have much solid proof, but somehow I know he has my best interests at heart. He actually cares about me. And I care about him.

Sasuke’s hands are warm and gentle, sure of their path. He says nothing; the room is blissfully silent, and I can feel myself drifting off – until his hands move to rub my ears. I’m wide awake at once, energy spiking through me as I unwillingly let out a low, breathy moan.

He pauses in his movements. “Naruto?”

“Um…” I open my eyes to see him looking curiously at me, somewhat surprised. I quickly glance away; I can’t meet his eyes, not when my cheeks are this warm. “I think… you should probably leave it at that. Thanks.”

I make to get up, but he runs a finger along the back of my ear and I melt, exhaling loudly. I glare up at him but only get a smirk back.

“I think I found a weak spot,” Sasuke whispers.

“You are a dead man, Sasuke,” I retort, but there’s nothing I can do. He traces the outsides of my ears, rubs around them, tugs at them gently. Fuck. “I never shoulda let you – ngh – do this,” I say through gritted teeth.

“Not if you already knew your ears were erogenous zones, no,” he agrees. “But I can’t see how this is such a bad thing.”

“Well I mean…” I reach up, slide my arms around his waist, even though I know I shouldn’t. “Considering I probably shouldn’t even be thinking about sex around you, let alone letting you touch me inappropriately—”

“They’re your ears, not your dick.”

“Well when you surprise-grope them like that, my reaction’s not going to be much different.”

“Is that so?” His smirk is unbearable.

I get up before he can stop me and turn onto my front, propping myself up on my elbows and glaring at him. His expression doesn’t change one bit. He runs a hand through my hair, and I sigh, giving in. He’s just too… I dunno. I can’t stay mad at him. I lower my head and gently headbutt him in the stomach. Then I just stay like that for a while. It’s nice, being close to him. I really, really like this feeling.

I feel him shift as his head comes closer to mine, then I hear him whisper, “Face-down.”

I have to laugh. Of course, lying on my stomach in between his legs, there’s no way you could pass up that implication. I push a little harder against his stomach before relenting and sitting back on my heels. Then I grab his ankles and, taking him by surprise, tug him forward until he’s lying down instead of sitting. I fall forward again, supporting myself on my hands on either side of his head. My knees push his apart. I smirk at the position I’ve forced him into: sprawled beneath me, his guard down.

In an alternate reality, this could have led to sex.

“Tease,” he breathes, but he’s smiling. Out of the corner of my eye I see his fingers flex, and I let myself imagine an alternate reality in which they’d reach for my head and pull me into a kiss, in which I’d lower my body and grind my hips against his. But I can’t have that alternate reality, so I’ll have to settle for imagining it. It’s better than what I have now. What I have now is Sasuke reaching up to poke my cheek, then letting his hand fall back and just staring into my eyes. I can’t get over how clear and bright his are, how much it feels like he’s just waiting for me to read what he’s thinking in his face, his expression. But I can’t. I can read basic desire – I know what that looks like, and I know it’s there – but he’s trying to tell me something, something he doesn’t dare say in words, and I don’t know how to read that language.

“God, this is unbearable,” I murmur.

“You’re telling me. I haven’t felt this much unresolved sexual tension since…” He considers for a moment. “Probably when I was sixteen.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” But he doesn’t pursue that memory any further.

I let it go. I heave another sigh and flop to the side, lying next to him. “Unresolved sexual tension,” I repeat. “Is that a thing? Like… isn’t it kind of redundant to call it unresolved?”

“It’s a trope. I assume it’s generally applied to tension that never gets resolved in canon.”

“So you’re saying we’re never gonna bang.”

“That’s not up to me,” he says simply.

“I know…” I know what he’s saying. He’s not the one with the inhibitions here.

“Well,” he goes on in a slightly lighter tone, “I guess we could always hope that it won’t be unresolved forever, just for a long time. Long, unresolved sexual tension, if you will.”

“Ha. I see what you did there.” I smack his shoulder lightly, and he chuckles. “Maybe you’re right. Though I’d like to think that _lust_ isn’t all it is,” I say slowly.

He turns his head to look at me. “Yeah,” he says quietly. “I’d like to think so too.”

I smile. The look on his face fills me with a sense of tranquillity, like everything is right. If only. Still, I love the idea of Sasuke lying in my bed.

“Though it accounts for a pretty big portion,” I add, smirking.

He hits my arm. “Hey, we were almost having a moment there.”

“Almost. You’ll have to settle for that. Were you implying we’ll have sex one day?”

“I might be persuaded to ask you for a raincheck.”

“You’re first on the list,” I chuckle. “God. As if I have a list.”

“I was under the impression, from my conversation with Sakura and Sai, that you already had one prior to meeting me.”

“Huh?” Apparently I spaced out harder than I thought back there. “News to me. Who’s on it?”

“Sai, evidently.”

“What, he told you that?”

“Both he and Sakura implied as much. I suppose I should clarify that it’s not a confirmed list,” he says with a bit of a smile. “Just a list of people who would like to be on your list. In which case I suppose you can add Karin.”

“Ugh, Karin’s not ever getting on my list.” I scowl. “I could be persuaded to put Sai there, though. Still, you’ve got the top spot. Don’t forget that.”

“I’m holding you to it.” Sasuke rolls over towards me, until he’s on his front and his thigh is pressed against mine. “I want a carbon copy of that list.”

“Pfft.” I tuck my hands behind my head. “I doubt you’ll let me forget. It’s not like the list is particularly lengthy or anything. I bet Blue’s is a mile long.”

“Hmm.”

I frown, raise my head a little. “What?”

“Nothing,” he says airily, watching me with a strange look in his eyes. “I guess he won’t be getting to it anytime soon.”

“I guess.” I drop my head back and try to recall any hints from Blue that he wants to sleep with someone else, any indication at all, but it’s not particularly easy when we don’t really talk. I can’t remember that he’s even mentioned anyone else since coming back from the holidays. Maybe one of the actors he hangs out with. Might he be waiting to sleep with one of them? The thought makes me uncomfortable. Maybe we should do something else. I sit up and glance around. “Anything you wanna do? Play video games or something? We could try another movie,” I suggest. “Y’know, something less… terrifying.”

“That’s subjective.” He sits up next to me and hooks his foot around mine, our knees touching. “But we won’t get into that. Why don’t you pick this time?”

“Hmm. How do you feel about superhero movies?”

“I don’t know; I’ve never watched one. I’m not generally into comics, but I have heard good things about Marvel’s recent films.” He nods. “I could watch a superhero film.”

“Awesome. Thor or Captain America?” I ask. I don’t really feel like getting up, though; that would mean disentangling my leg from his, and I don’t have any other excuse to maintain physical contact with him. It’s easier to do this when we don’t talk about it. God, I’m such a hypocrite. I force myself to part from him and stand. “Come on. TV’s in the living room.”

“That means leaving the smell of your bed,” Sasuke laments. But he follows me out into the hallway.

“We could watch it on my laptop. Either way we have to get the DVD. Hey guys.”

“Hello, Naruto,” says Sai, not looking up from his work. He completely ignores Sasuke.

Sakura puts down her pencil. “Hey, Naruto, Sasuke. What are you up to?”

“Gonna watch an Avenger movie. Hemsworth or Evans?”

“Mm… tough call. I’m gonna have to say Hemsworth. Sai?”

“I think the Captain better suits my tastes,” Sai says, “though Evans does look a lot tougher in Scott Pilgrim.”

“Yeah. The Cap’s got a bit of an innocent look to him,” I agree. “Who’s more your type, Sasuke?” I find the DVDs and take them out to show him.

Sasuke gives each face consideration. “A tough call indeed. I can see you making a good Captain America.” He meets my eyes with a smirk. “The blue-eyed blond pretty boy look is just right.”

“It’s the lack of facial hair, I’d say.” I turn the DVDs around to get a look myself. “I dunno how I feel about the excessive patriotism. I mean, the film handles it pretty well, but there’s no escaping it really.”

“Honestly I wouldn’t mind staring at either Chris for extended periods of time,” Sasuke says. “Thor came out first, didn’t it?”

“Yeah, but if you want to watch them in order you’ll want Iron Man and The Hulk first.”

“Unfortunately I haven’t got those,” Sakura says.

“True. World War Two or Asgard? Hemsworth _did_ work out specifically for the role…”

Sakura says, “I doubt Evans didn’t work out.”

“But Thor also has Loki in it,” Sai points out.

“A persuasive argument,” I agree. Sakura nods, conflicted now.

“Maybe we should just watch both,” Sasuke says, “and start with Thor, since it was released first.”

“The guest has spoken!” I say dramatically. Sasuke snorts quietly, and I grin. “Thor it is. See you later, kiddos.”

I don’t want to disturb the others while they’re working, so Sasuke and I go back to my room for the movie. I close the door, turn off the lights and set up the DVD on my laptop, which I then set at the foot of my bed. I scoot back to lean against the headboard next to Sasuke, who’s already made himself comfortable. He immediately takes the opportunity to lean on my shoulder.

This movie turns out to be a much wiser choice than the last one. I guess it helps that I’ve already seen it. Thanks to the previous panic attack I’m still kind of shaky, wary of anything even slightly dark, but at least in this case I know what’s going to happen. And there’s something about Sasuke that calms the terror, pushing away the thing inside me that threatens to break me. I don’t know what it is – I don’t know what it is yet, but I know without a doubt that Sasuke can repel the demon, with just his presence, his head against my shoulder, his thumb passing slowly and repeatedly over the back of my hand. I wonder if he has any idea of the effect he has. Whether it’s something unique to him, or a power that a lot of people have but I’ve just never been around them when I’m having an attack. It’s more than the comfort of a trusted friend’s presence. It’s just… Sasuke.

He tilts his head up to look at me. “You okay there?” he asks quietly.

I smile and nod. “Yeah,” I reply in barely a whisper. “I’m doing great.”

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone out there has any experience studying – or working in – acting or graphic design, give me a shout! I need to do some research since they’re not really things I know much about, and I figured getting some firsthand accounts might help.


End file.
